Written by T. Loaf

Tuesday, 6 February 2018

There was more room in the House of Commons today. Two of its best known actors, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Diane Abbot, announced they had eloped, and would return next week.

Journalists tracked them down to Mudford Sock in Somerset, where the couple are biding their time. Rees-Mogg was quick to play down any foul play.

"Well, indeed, acquiescence at our age is not required, our spouses and families are all informed, and anyone with a rudimentary understanding of catharsis in the midst of salacious proclivity will appreciate our arrangement.
Though Diane is over 15 years older than I, a bond has been forged, similar to the affection I felt for Ms Gush, my Latin teacher at Eton, who allowed me to carry her handbag from time to time. Please respect our privacy in this matter, we are presently imbued with bodacious glee."

"Yeah, I agree", said Abbot, who was fiddling with her abacus. "I'm trying to work out what all this is gonna cost," she explained.

"I did offer a pocket calculator," chuckled Rees-Mogg, "but she said that would be indicatively iconoclastic.............or words to that effect."

"Oooh, he's such a one. He cooed me with his words. I didn't know any of 'em, so I thought: this guy's alright! Least we can't argue, he speaks a different language."

"How buckish and comely," Jacob smiled. "And to think, at work, we are seated opposite. I can gaze in veneration each and every day. Heaven."

"I need a bigger countin' frame," declared Diane.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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