There were 141 spoof news stories published in March 2018. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Drone Doesn't Just DELIVER the Donuts, He EATS Them!
That's a no-no, his employer sternly told him. "Bad, bad drone." The drone had an interesting defense. "But...but...I DID deliver them, pretty much anyway," he argued. Pausing for a breath, he continued, "OK, OK, I was a little late, I admit it. A...Read full story
Trump Family Buys Angelfire, GeoCities, AltaVista, Ask Jeeves, and Netscape Web Browser
Mar-A-Lago, Florida Eric Trump, Donald's son, has been studying the Internet in hopes of getting a jump on his father's 2020 Presidential campaign. "I have found lots of communication sites that have been neglected and become downgraded propertie...Read full story
Global burger producer decides to add 'real, fresh meat' to their burgers
A sensational revolution is occurring in the burger world! Real, fresh meat is to replace the reconstituted crap normally on offer. Several burger kings were about to be declared veggies because basically there is no real meat in their crap anyway...Read full story
Tea tree oils increase size of male breasts, not female ones!
US Scientists have discovered something that will put plastic surgery for males out of date and, all skinny males, transsexuals, body-builders, etc, have to do now is rub their titties with tea tree or lavender oil! Sorry ladies, but the oils do n...Read full story
Trump and Kim Jong Un to Meet in Fiji IHOP
Mar-A-Lago, Florida It was announced today that the White House and North Korea are working out details for "Dotard" Trump and Kim "Rocket Man" Jong Un to meet. Knowing both Trump and Kim are not about to miss any meals, and allowing for time zon...Read full story
Trump to slap dollars with HUGE tariff
New York, NY - Overheard by the Trump Tower elevator operator, Igbay Arseay, at noon today: a brilliant plan for America to “keep its stuff”. As reported here, aliens are planning to use their vast hordes of accumulated dollars to buy all America’...Read full story
New Study Finds That Punching Walls Hurts Your Hand
A new study by the Center for National Studies has found that people who punch walls are likely to hurt their hands. This breakthrough research took the scientific community by surprise as it was previously believed that punching a hard, immovable...Read full story
The Trump Runner vs Wile E Mueller
BILLINGSGATE POST: The tortuous twists and turns of this epic battle between the Trump Runner and Wile E Mueller, who some say is being funded by the ACME Corporation, has reached the point of diminishing returns. The ACME Corporation, which i...Read full story
UK will get fatter and fatter after Brexit as junk food from the US replaces healthy Italian pasta!
The Beast from the East is about to be eclipsed as a tsunami approaches from the West smothering everything with fatty and sugar-filled food from the US!! A trade deal is imminent with the UK's greatest allies across the Atlantic and, instead of h...Read full story
In New Study Harvard University Finds Vaping Causes Loneliness
Vaping is the act of inhaling and exhaling an aerosol, often referred to as vapor, which is produced by an e-cigarette or similar device. Aerosol, often mistaken for water vapor, actually consists of fine particles. Many of these particles contain va...Read full story
Rump Dumped All Over My Golf Course Says Former Turdberry Owner
Ayrshire, Scotland (Hole-In-One/Ass Mess) - The woman who sold Turdberry Golf Course to Donald T Rump has complained to Scotland’s Crap Sports Authority about curling stone-sized deposits festooning the putting green. The move comes after dozens o...Read full story
Two separate piles of ash found behind White House gym, later revealed to be the remains of Trump and Biden
Washington, D.C. - The spat between President Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden has dominated news cycles in recent days. However, the threats of physical violence they made against each other pale in comparison to what may go down as the mos...Read full story
Don Trump Jr. and Jarrad Kushner Develop Revolutionary New Economic Plan
Mar-A-Lago, Florida White House spokesperson Sarah Sanders announced today that Donnie and Jarrad had invented an economic model that would solve all the world's problems. "Right now, the information is still super-secret because we don't want Ame...Read full story
Fortnite to close down
Fortnite, released on July 25, 2017, has become a gaming sensation throughout the teen population. Parents are concerned of health issues coming into their children’s lives from playing their games all day into night. This survival game developed...Read full story
Happy Couple Embarrassed to Admit They Met Offline
Sickeningly-sweet New York City couple, Jason Morley and Carolyn Shea, recently – and reluctantly – revealed to their friends that they met offline, rather than through an online dating site. “We actually met waiting in line at a coffee shop,” sa...Read full story
'Big Dick' festival in Japan leaves Japanese women looking at something they will never experience, live!
The annual 'Big Dick' festival held in Kawasaki, Japan, is proof that Japanese men need to build massive model 'dicks' because they are too ashamed to expose their own miniature versions! Starting with India, and travelling eastwards, Asian men te...Read full story
Trump Dismantles the Office of Science and Technology
Mar-A-Lago, FL White House spokeswoman Sarah Sanders explained that President Trump was abolishing the Office of Science and Technology. "President Trump believes that we have enough technology as it is and so we don't need that part of the depa...Read full story
Vietnamese currency rockets - the dong is up
For years it has been an underdeveloped backwater of south-east Asia, best known throughout much of the world for its devastating war against the US. Nevertheless, Vietnam is very much an up and coming country, particularly in an economic sense. Neve...Read full story
Uber Death Could Be Start Of 'Rise Of The Machines'
Experts investigating the death of a woman in Tempe, Arizona, are saying that the circumstances are "grimly reminiscent" of events portrayed in the 2003 Hollywood movie 'Terminator 3 - Rise Of The Machines'. According to eyewitnesses, Elaine Conno...Read full story
Oprah denies marrying man who looks a bit like John Cleese
A new report claiming that US TV celebrity Oprah Winfrey had a “surprise wedding" to long-time partner Stedman Graham has been officially debunked. Gossip Cop, a highly respected Internet website, which faithfully draws the public's attention to...Read full story
Trump Runner Confounds Four Horsemen of Wile E Mueller Apocalypse
BILLINGSGATE POST: Cast against a blue, gray Sonoran Desert sky, the Four Horsemen of Wile E Mueller rode again. In Biblical lore, they were known as Famine, Pestilence, Destruction, and Death. These are only aliases. Their real names are Comey, Rob...Read full story
Wile E Mueller: "Trump Runner Tied to Russian Anvil Company"
BILLINGSGATE POST: In the beginning there was nothing. In the middle there was nothing. And after over one year later, there is still nothing. And nothing pisses off Wile E Mueller more than hearing the MEEP MEEP! of the pesty Trump Runner as he b...Read full story
Trump Plot to Buy Moons of Saturn for $1.00 Apiece Exposed
Science Town, CA Today, a plot for Trump to write an executive order for his family to buy the moons of Saturn for $1.00 apiece was exposed by a group of scientists. "The plot would have allowed Putin to buy the moons of Jupiter for just a ruble...Read full story
Lady Godiva reappears in Miami nightclub on horse, bareback!
Shocked nightclub visitors could not believe their eyes as a horse appeared in their midst carrying a thinly clad nymph, bareback! In fact, punters were so stoned, or canned, after downing buckets of champers and purple pills, they thought it was a h...Read full story
Comedy Hall of Fame Adds New Members Amy Schumer and Donald Trump
Las Vegas, NV The Comedy Hall of Fame added new members Amy Schumer and Donald Trump at their annual banquet. "I guess we all agree that while we need inventive new comedians like Amy, what comedians REALLY need is good material, or stange incid...Read full story
Lessons Cancelled Due To Sports Day Cheering Practice
Afternoon lessons at a school in the Thai capital of Bangkok were summarily cancelled ALL LAST WEEK, after they fell victim to the notoriously-loud activity of Cheering Practice, in preparation for the School Sports Day, which will take place on Mond...Read full story
Parisian porno downs tools because of Sex-Doll brothel!
A Parisian sex doll brothel is causing an outrage in the dark world of "Tossers United" because Parisian porno stars are refusing to perform unless their plastic competitors are removed from the seedy sex underground world in the 'city of love!'...Read full story
Guy Who Was on The Simpsons Dies
March 14, 2018--A man known for his appearances on The Simpsons and other popular shows has passed away. Stephen Hawking died at the age of 76. Hawking is perhaps best known to viewers for his appearance on the popular cartoon The Simpsons. In the...Read full story
Cambridge Analytica Hacked My Spoof Account, Claims Hull Man
A writer on the satirical news website, The Spoof, has claimed that data firm Cambridge Analytica has invaded his internet space, hacked into both his published AND unpublished spoof submissions, and altered them. Moys Kenwood, originally from Hul...Read full story
Animal rights group bans kids riding on dogs and donkeys in the UK!
A marketing photo of a small kid riding on the back of a great Dane, the dog was twice the kid's size, has been lambasted for being cruel to animals. Now, a plan is afoot to ban all kids riding on the backs of all animals. Donkey rides along the b...Read full story
"Shaq" O'Neal to be new head coach at UCLA
Westwood Village, CA. Following the announcement from UCLA that Shareef O'Neal, son of the former NBA super star Shaquille "Shaq" O'Neal, had committed to play basketball for the Bruins next year, reports circulated that the elder O'Neal would beco...Read full story
Tiffany Trump to Get Own Talk Show
The E! Network, who brought the world the Kardashians, have just announced that they have inked a deal with Donald Trump's daughter Tiffany. She will host a talk show format. Tiffany was asked to comment and she said, "I hope to have others from...Read full story
ADD Can Lead to Awkward Conversations
Scientists say our addiction to phones and the prevalence of attention deficit disorder (ADD) in both kids and adults can lead to very awkward conversations. To illustrate the problem, researchers at the University of Southwestern Maine University...Read full story
Vicky Kadian and Neeraj Pandey together again for ‘Crack’
Neeraj Pandey directed drama movie ‘Crack’ which starring Vicky Kadian and Akshay Kumar in lead role. The film also stars Saurabh Shukla, Elli Avrram, Rahul Dev, Gurpreet Ghuggi, Rahul Verma Rajput and Bijay Thakur in prominant role. Neeraj Pan...Read full story
Trump's Porn Star Stormy Daniels Explains History of Non-Disclosure Agreement
Baton Rouge, LA Porn star Stormy Daniels talked about the non-disclosure agreement between her and Donald Trump. "At first, I of course didn't want anyone to know I had anything to do with Trump. I mean, look at him! He's an obese, orange, obscene...Read full story
Oklahoma Completely Fine with Losing in March Madness
Oklahoma was not at all upset after losing 83-78 to Rhode Island in the first round of the NCAA March Madness tournament. “Honestly, we’re all completely fine with losing,” said coach Lon Kruger. “We didn’t really work that hard this year and the...Read full story
White House confirms: Trump and Jong Un have ALREADY MET
Breaking: In stunning development, The White House has disclosed that the first meeting took place in May, 2017. Experts believe this meeting set crucial tone affecting future relations. Repetition of ceremonial behaviors from that time not adv...Read full story
Stephen Hawking Latest
Stephen Hawking, the English scientist, cosmologist, theoretical physicist, and cryptowheelchairist has ceased to exist, it's been discovered. Professor Hawking, 76, who had suffered with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) since he was 22, expire...Read full story
Alien UFO spotted landing near Antarctica is flown by penguins!
UK Earthling Alien spotters, let out of local Loony Bins, swear they have spotted a UFO that landed on the Southern Atlantic island called, South Georgia. They spotted the strange shape on Google Earth and straightaway, President Trump told UK PM Ma...Read full story
Theresa May to use female wiles on Putin to get confession re Skripal poisoning
In a daring follow-up to the recent poisoning of Skripal and his daughter, the Prime Minister of England will not rest on mere accusations. Ms. May has asserted that either Russia is directly responsible for attacking the Skripals, or has somehow...Read full story
Chocolate covered Maltesers prove the world is flat not round!
Giant chocolate producers, Mars (not on Mars), have finally convinced the world that the world is flat, and in honor of this great discovery, they have decided to issue a 'flat' version of Brits favorite 'round' choco snack, Maltesers! There were...Read full story
Trump on 700 Club: "I'm a Porn Again Christian!"
President Donald Trump appeared this morning on Reverend Pat Robertson's 700 Club TV show and said in a booming and pontifical voice: "I AM A PORN AGAIN CHRISTANB!" As the crowd roared it's approval, Trump smiled knowingly and motioned them to sit. H...Read full story
Tony Carr and Shep Garner are Nittany Lions gone nuclear!
Tony Carr scored 21 points, Shep Garner added 18 while breaking a school record for career 3-pointers and Penn State routed Mississippi State 75-60 in the National Invitational Tournament semifinals Tuesday night. The fourth-seeded Nittany Lions (...Read full story
Russia’s Maria Zakharova and the UK’s Boris Johnson meet for kick-box wrestling match at the Hague
Press Secretary of the Russian Foreign Ministry Maria Zakharova has had her challenge to UK’s Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson accepted. Mr. Johnson and Ms. Zakharova went at it just last evening inside an ICC auditorium, standing room only. In...Read full story
Raskolnikov contacted in Hades comments on Boris Johnson’s Easter Speech
Mr. Johnson’s Easter Speech and his reference to Dostoevsky has drawn considerable interest in Lower Bowel 4A Division, Continental Hades. (Wikipedia explains that "Lower Bowel" was originally "Lower Bower" and somehow changed over the course of t...Read full story
Church of Scamatology Will Start Broadcasting New Network "Real Soon"
Clearly Mental, FL As they have been promising and collecting "donations" for during the last three years, the Church of Scamatology promised they would be on the air with their new TV network "real soon." (If the past is any indication, could be any...Read full story
Baseball's Greatest Dicks
Spring is here, a time when young men’s fancies turn to begging their parents not to make them play Little League. Baseball has become one of the least popular sports among kids these days, dropping below competitive standing. However, to many of us...Read full story
Birmingham Man Finds Meaning in the Small Things of Life - Like Paper Clips
Birmingham man Kenneth Hayes said that after a lifetime of chasing big dreams and big plans to no avail, he now finds meaning in the small things of life – like paper clips. “They're so tiny!” marveled Ken. “And yet so powerful in all they hold to...Read full story
The Trump Runner vs Wile E Mueller: Round 2
BILLINGSGATE POST:: In the beginning, under the remote skies of the Arizona desert, there was nothing that would draw the eye of the raven into focus quicker than the epic confrontation of the Trump Runner and Wile E Mueller. This was before the co...Read full story
Who is, or was, the greatest martial artist in history?
I only got to the rank of 2nd degree black belt in Chinese & American Kenpo, so I am certainly no expert. I earned all my higher belts at American Karate Studios in Northeastern Ohio, and was a competitor on the PKC circuit for over a decade an...Read full story
First April Fools Easter Sunday Since Crucifiction Says ‘Eater Of Blood’ Prof
Jerusalem, Israel - A highly successful Ancient Judean hoax is coming full circle this weekend according to the author of a book about Christian subjugation to Jewish ritual cannibalism during the dark daze of the Roman Plague. Former Chief Rabbis...Read full story
This latest beauty treatment is angering environmentalists, but will turn your friends green with envy
It is the new beauty treatment that literally everyone wants. Have you ever dreamed of having perfect skin, with no moles, freckles or unsightly gob craters? Well now that dream is within reach with facial fracking. The procedure is simple - i...Read full story
Stormy Daniels To Replace Hope Hicks At White House
It was announced over the White House loud speaker, that the president's Communication Director Hope Hicks was leaving her present position and would be replaced by Ms. Stormy Daniels. A two minute Melania scream was heard from the residence quar...Read full story
Horseback rider turns up at McCrap drive-in instead of knackers yard!
McCrap (Name changed for legal reasons) diners in Beccles, Norfolk, got the shock of their lives as a horse poked its head into the drive-in window demanding a burger and chips; the horse-rider was a vegetarian! A shocked McCrap worker refused to...Read full story
George Bush eats elephant sushi
Deepest, Africa - According to Voryiay iLdoday, Chief Game Warden, elephant poaching is soon to be a thing of the past. iLdoday and his team are fitting all elephants with automatic guided missile launchers. The special system detects rifle cracks...Read full story
Blood Money? Joe Rogan Begins Selling His Blood to Nutrition Supplement Company GNC
Stand-up comedian and podcast host Joe Rogan recently began selling his own blood – not because he's fallen on hard times, but as part of a new and highly profitable partnership with nutrition supplement company GNC. The joint venture with GNC see...Read full story
DEA relieves drug cartel’s cellulose constipation
Tijuana, Mexico - Juan Valdez, of the Shinola drug cartel here, called a press conference today to thank the DEA for removing several pounds of hundred-dollar bills from his colon. He stated: I was s-o-o-o-o constipated! I’d run out of room to...Read full story
Hollywood’s Leading Lion Actor Reflects on His Career
In a wide-ranging interview with the BBC, the lion who starred in Abbott and Costello’s Africa Screams reflects on the highs and lows of his career in Hollywood. “When Africa Screams came out, I was the biggest non-human actor in the world,” said...Read full story
Chris Stapleton Tries Hand at City Music
Blockbuster country music artist Chris Stapleton, ever the innovator, announced that because the rising popularity of country music has made it too easy for him to sell records, his next album will be entirely devoted to the new Stapleton-conceived g...Read full story
French waiter sacked in Canadian restaurant after telling Brit to 'F' off!!
Vancouver, 26.03.2018: French Canadians are in a state of shock after a Brit went into a restaurant in Vancouver demanding that the waiter on duty speak English, but he couldn't he was French; shock, horror! The altercation became quite loud, and...Read full story
Spitting llama escapes from Liverpool zoo and is arrested in Manchester!
An ex-Liverpudlian llama saw red on Saturday after breaking out of his cage in Liverpool Zoo along the Anfield Road. He was seen running towards a forbidden zone for Liverpudlian spitting llamas called Old Trafford, Manchester, where many strange ani...Read full story
Stormy Daniels Named To Head Department of Veteran Affairs
BILLINGSGATE POST: One day after porn star Stormy Daniels appeared on "60 Minutes" to provide intimate details of her alleged affair with Donald Trump at a celebrity golf tournament at Lake Tahoe in 2006, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee S...Read full story
Trump Loses Fight with a Lamb
Washington, DC - A young lamb wearing blue just showed up from a deeply red district in Pennsylvania, and President Donald Trump is running scared. He called the lamb a "sham" but the name would not stick. He said he was better looking than the lam...Read full story
Congress Votes to Start Trump White House Employment Agency
Washington, DC With Hope Hicks the most recent resignation in Trump's White House, Congress has established an employment agency department that can check resumes, conduct interviews, and determine qualifications for people to work in the White Hous...Read full story
Gun association and erectile dysfunction pill maker in joint venture: Penis Bump Shots!
In a surprise announcement this morning, the Gun Club of America GCA and the Pizzle Corporation, the manufacturer of erectile dysfunction medication announced a joint venture in which Pizzle will manufacture and the GCA will market a new product: Th...Read full story
Fun Facts About U.S. Presidents
It wasn’t that long ago that America had presidents, individuals elected by the people to lead the nation. It was a fairly successful system of government while it lasted, but it wasn’t perfect. Some presidents were better than others, but just about...Read full story
Oakland Mayor Libby Schaaf Warns California About Imminent Trump Arrival
Oakland, CA. Mayor of Oakland California Libby Schaaf, who was earlier criticised by Trump for warning immigrants that the feds were going to conduct raids, now is warning California,that Trump is coming. California is one of the many states that des...Read full story
The Exodus of Rob Porter: Sexual Harassment, or “Agent Orange” Cover Up?
The beleaguered Trump administration has been coming under increased pressure of late regarding the behavior of the eponymously named White House staff secretary mentioned in the poorly written title above. While the official story had recently revol...Read full story
God Takes Over US Congress
God the almighty made an appearance at the US Senate and immediately smited the two senators from Florida claiming it was simply because they were from the state of Florida. God told the assembly that “they better get their shit together and work...Read full story
Ken Dodd Wasn't Half Funny!
Ken Dodd, the comedian, who died earlier this week aged 90, has today been remembered by those who saw his act during his many years in showbusiness. Dodd, or 'Doddy' as he was affectionately known, hailed from the Knotty Ash area of Liverpool, an...Read full story
Trump at Border Wall Prototypes: "Let's Wall Out California"
San Diego, CA. Standing before models of the border wall he intends to build, President Donald Trump told a group of surprised reporters from Fox News and Breitbart that the barrier between the U S and Mexico will extend from Texas to California, bu...Read full story
Biden and Trump will begin 2020 presidential campaign with fisticuffs and other challenges
Last week Mr. Biden stated that as “a damn good athlete” he would be inclined to invite Mr. Trump out behind the high school gym—if they were still in high school. Mr. Trump immediately responded with Mr. Biden as “weak” in various ways and that i...Read full story
Interview With Xenu
Interviewer: Thank you for consenting to this interview. Xenu: Well, I don’t get a lot of requests, seeing as I’m chained to this mountain and have been for 75 million years or so. Interviewer: Yes, I didn’t want to bring it up unless you did, but apparently you wanted to solve your overpopulation problem and gathered up the excess people, froze them, and put them in a rocket ship that was...Read full story
Mr. Ed To Be Exhumed And Lain In State In Capital Rotunda
BILLINGSGATE POST: Around this date in 1979, Mr. Ed the talking horse died of mysterious causes. Mr. Ed's real name was Bamboo Harvester. He was a crossbred gelding of American Saddlebred, Arabian and grade ancestry. Different stories have been wr...Read full story
God speaks out on Trump: "Make stink...my bad!"
The message first appeared on social media states the New York Times this morning. It spread around the world in a matter of hours. It was addressed to the people of America supposedly from God himself and spoke to people of all races and faiths. Ap...Read full story
The Supreme Court Verdict Is In - Guns Are People
In a land mark ruling, the Supreme Court has declared that “Guns are people too.”. Building upon the famous Citizens United vote that made corporations people and thereby gave them unprecedented power and influence in America, gun lobbyists hope t...Read full story
Russophobia diagnosed as swollen media glands and bacteria mites at lobus occipitalis publicae
Recent occipital lobe studies at Oxford and MIT universities have at last defined causes in the epidemic of Russophobia sweeping the globe. Russophobia = Russian meddling directed by Vladimir Putin wearing black gloves and hunching his back, or fo...Read full story
'From Russia with love' to be re-filmed and renamed 'From Putin to May with Poisonous Arrows!'
James Bond is being reanimated after breathing heavily and nearly dying as the ancient MI5 spy failed miserably to lock millions into the cinema, but the latest Russian attack on the UK has given Bond makers food for thought! Cameras have already...Read full story
BOJO boots giant Russian Bear into Hitler's grave!
British foreign diplomacy has lost it's 'savoir-faire' ever since a toffee-nosed buffoon was given the responsibility of representing this once great nation. As the world looks upon a Russian storm brewing in a poisoned chalice, BOJO has decided t...Read full story
Religious Leaders Threaten to Impeach God if He Doesn't Do a Better Job of Ruling the Planet
His purportedly eternal tenure notwithstanding, God may be at risk of losing His job as ruler of the planet, say religious leaders, who have threatened to impeach Him if they don't see a marked improvement in His performance. Environmentally progr...Read full story
The Drone Report- We Listen In On The NRA Making Their Most Recent Battle Plans.
Prelude- Freed Industrial, a sub-section of the vast Rfreed communications network, has just developed a special 'spy drone' capable of infiltrating anywhere and everywhere and recording visual and audio data for our columns. Here is one of the frui...Read full story
NRA - National Rat Association
The NRA has finally flipped and released a video informing “every lying member of the media, to every Hollywood phoney, to the role model athletes” that their time is “running out”. With the threats emanating from an association whose revel gleef...Read full story
Fans advised not to be within spitting distance of Jamie Carragher
Ex Liverpool legend Jamie Carragher has apologised after sensationally spitting at a fourteen year old girl and her dad on the motorway. The Sky TV pundit had been driving back from the Manchester United V Liverpool clash and was clearly a little ann...Read full story
Security Alert Over 'Silence Of The Lambs' Anagrams
A major security alert has been sparked in my brain after it was discovered that the movie title 'Silence Of The Lambs' contained dozens of coded messages. 'Silence Of The Lambs' was the 1988 novel written by Thomas Harris, which was subsequen...Read full story
John Bolton’s Hawkish Moustache Declares War on the Rest of His Face
Washington, D. C.—On being appointed National Security Advisor to President Trump, the moustache’s first action was to declare war on the rest of his face. The moustache’s enemy to the south, his mouth, is apparently on military alert against the inv...Read full story
Woman's Nipples Mistaken For 'Chapel Hat Pegs'
Confusion reigned supreme at a church in Oxfordshire at the weekend, when members of a congregation inadvertently mistook the enormous swollen nipples of voluptuous Carol Forderman for 'chapel hat pegs', and hung their coats on them! Carol, 43, ha...Read full story
Tom Paine, Parodist, Should Have Written for Spoof
It was 1776, the American Revolution was not going well for the colonies, and General Washington needed something to keep up the morale of his unpaid and restless troops. He called on Tom Paine to write something akin to Patrick Henry's "Liberty or Death" speech. But Paine had writer's block and couldn't think of a catchy sentence for the first line in his proposed pamphlet supporting the Revol...Read full story
Global warming hits UK with impunity
Thousands of UK residents have been locked outside due to the unusual high temperatures in February caused by El Nino the "beast from the west!" Retailers all over the country are struggling to provide boiling-hot customers with shorts, flip-flops, a...Read full story
Russians poisoning Russians in the UK! And now the Chinese are doing it with their takeaways!
If Russia, seemingly behind poisonous attacks in the UK, wasn't bad enough! No, the Chinese are also rattling their sabres (not cyber ones) on the Green Island by stuffing their takeaways with deadly salt and sugar! Chinese takeaway lovers who pur...Read full story
Trump; The Media Is All About Me!
Amid President Trump's frustrations with Alec Baldwin relentlessly lampooning him on Saturday Night Live, the American president may have completely lost his marbles. With the entertainment industry poking fun at him every 30 seconds on The Daily Sh...Read full story
Impeachment Celebrations Set To Start
Forget the Oscar parties. Oscar parties are yesterday. Impeachment celebrations are set to start, with catering companies taking orders from upscale delivery services by Caviar to Subway Sandwiches. While champagne will flow across the country like a...Read full story
Nation Relieved That School Shooting Didn’t Involve A Semi-Automatic Rifle
The American public generated a sigh of relief when a shooter shot and killed 21 students at Jamboree High School, in Oakland, Maryland when it was determined that the shooter did not use a semi-automatic rifle. 32 people were, also, injured in the...Read full story
Life Coach Unveils Brilliant Plan for Client to Get a Full-Time Job
After nine months of deep work identifying core values, assessing top life priorities, and taking a hard look at day-to-day financial realities, Jason Henderson's life coach finally unveiled the professional plan crafted specially for him: find a ful...Read full story
NRA Sues Florida
In yet another brazen display of sticking your tongue in a plug socket insanity, the NRA have decided to sue the state of Florida for enacting limited gun control laws. Apparently the NRA won’t be happy until six year olds can buy automatic weapons s...Read full story
World Cup 2018: War Cup?
As the World Cup 2018 tournament comes closer by the day, is it reasonable to assume that 'football's greatest showcase' might also be Armageddon? The World Cup kicks off on June 14 in Russia, but the recent case of Sergei Skripal, the former spy...Read full story
Mourinho Bites Back
Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has launched into a astonishing defence of his time at United. Predictably blaming anything and everything but himself for a string of mediocre performances throughout the season. He said: Against Sevil...Read full story
Latest Holistic Health Craze! Increasing Number of Americans Opt for Closed-Heart Surgery
According to a recent report from the National Institute of Health, in this age of mass shootings, climate chaos and downward-spiraling human health, an increasing number of Americans have opted to undergo a cutting-edge elective procedure known as c...Read full story
Trump Tweets: Stormy Has Ramshackle Ovaries And Clapboard Breasts
BILLINGSGATE POST: Not wishing to add any additional ammunition to Stormy Daniel's claim that she had sex with The Donald at the Celebrity Golf Tournament at Lake Tahoe in 2006, Trump dismissed her by tweeting: "As much as I admire her for her...Read full story
UK Bakers employ bouncers to bounce out bakery bandits!
Once upon a time, children; the smell of fresh bread and cakes lured punters into a wonderful world of goodies! Nowadays, punters have to get passed bouncers built like wardrobes to enjoy the experience! A major UK bakery chain has been hit by ba...Read full story
Late Bloomer Decides to Be a Perennial
After over five decades of underachieving, cowering in corners, and, as she put it, “living life to the emptiest,” 52-year-old Lily Tower has decided that now is her time to blossom – and not just once a year, but in perpetuity. Lily explains that...Read full story