Seoul, South Korea Kim Jong-Un, dictator of North Korea, has taken the opportunity to take advantage of the comradie of the Winter Olympics. His representatives announced that a huge banquet will be served to celebrate the kinship of the Two Koreas.
Unfortunately, as soon as the announcement was made, it was realized that the country that can't feed itself might be ill-equipped to give a large banquet. Sure enough, it was soon heard that North Korea was kidnapping Olympians and offerering to release them for sushi.
The North Korean ambassador read a statement:
We hope all Olympian medal winners and other guests will be happy at our banquet and at the adequate quarters we will provide! Every guest will have their own private security guard! Please don't feed the security guards.