Written by StubbornGorilla

Wednesday, 28 February 2018

image for Warner Bros. admits that DC Cinematic Universe is just "a big tax write off"
"We make our special effect in Microsoft Paint."

With pretty much every other reasonable explanation for the decisions made in producing movies based on DC Comics characters it appears that Warner Brothers is close to admitting that the whole series is basically a tax write off for the movie makers.

"Umm, things are going just as planned?" recent replaced head of DC Films, Jon Berg stated, after asking how things are going as he was escorted out the door.

That response begged the question, what is the plan?

Taken at face value it appears that the attempt to mimic Marvel's successful movie universe has been impeded at every step by complete incompetence at Warner Brothers. Looking closer, it is impossible to believe that all of these terrible decisions could have possibly been made by accident.

One could believe that Warner Brother thought that they had caught lightning in a bottle with the Nolan directed Batman trilogy, and that adding grit to their other character properties was the ingredient that would turn them all into box office gold. Every mistake after that, though, stretches all boundaries of good judgement to their limit.

The first highly questionable decision came when they decided to allow Zach Snyder to pilot the course of the whole franchise. Snyder is well known for his ability to make stuff look cool despite showing no understanding of context. He famously took the groundbreaking comic story Watchmen, and painstaking recreated it frame for frame only to prove that if you don't understand what the story your telling actually is, showing moving pictures of it could be less compelling than still ones drawn on a page. Snyder is so tone deaf that he doesn't seem to know the difference between romance and soft core porn as evidenced by every love scene he has ever created. The impact of the last night Leonidas spends with his wife in The 300 was somewhat diminished by the third sexual position that he puts her in. Did we mention that he also made Sucker Punch, and that the best movie he ever made is probably the one that stars a bunch of owls? Somehow, Warner Brothers saw all that and decided "this is our man!"

From there it just became obvious what Warner Bros, intentions were.

"When you can't beat em, at least you can win for losing," Geoff Johns stated after admitting that they were totally outclassed by their competition.

From there, Warner Brothers also decided, among other things, that it would be a great idea to turn Batman into an old jerk while he fights Superman, who is also now a whiny crybaby. They follow that up with a movie that includes no names like Captain Boomerang, and "Sexy" Joker, because we all wanted to see Joker make out with his girlfriend.

Warner Bros. did strike a rare home run with Wonder woman, but that appeared to be a miscalculation.

"We really didn't expect that to be quite so successful," Johns stated. "We apparently, underestimated just how powerful "The Ghostbusters Effect" had become."

Johns was referring to the recent development in movie reviews and promotions where critics will ignore the process of critically examining a movie, and give it a blind endorsement as long as it promotes a popular social agenda. "I was very surprised by its success" Johns went on. "I actually fell asleep during the middle of it in test screenings."

They quickly rebounded by releasing Justice League, and created what might be the most disappointing movie in nerd history.

"Obviously, we had the components there to make something truly special," Johns said. "But, at the end of the day, its all about the tax write offs, baby."

Johns cited several examples to back up his claims.

"Why buy Henry Cavill a ten dollar razor when we can spend five million dollars giving him a digital shave?"

"Who needs to bring out a villain with a cool name like Darkseid when you can use a character that shares his name with the band that made Born to Be Wild?"

"Why not finish production when you can reshoot half the movie. That always screams success."

Johns went on and on pointing out an endless litany of decisions that backed his statement. The DC Movie Universe is a tax write off. That is all it is good for.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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