Tarquin Smythe Brassington Heckingthump III from Chutney on the Fritz has launched his own artisan coat-hanging business.
Heckingthump III told us, ‘From where I see it, a house overlooking the better part of the Thames, the times are just right for an artisan coat hanging business. We buy the best wire, the best clippers, and my best mates Thumper and Shagger do all of the wire bending and hard-selling’
Thumper, (real name Robert Richie Richie Rich-Bastard II) and Shagger (real name William Williamson XI) will take the hangers around the shops of London, aiming to make a killing.
We didn’t tell Heckingthump that his business is doomed to complete and utter failure.