Written by Jaggedone

Saturday, 17 February 2018

image for Brit boozer goes on world's longest pub crawl; BURP!
Chilean beer might taste lie cats piss, but after 20000 pissed-up miles who cares!

Travel Channel's 'Booze Traveler' has nothing on this lover of anything alcoholic; a Brit Boozer called, Ben Le-Burper (name changed for legal reasons), determined to find the most northern and southern boozing waterholes on the planet, started crawling in Norway, BURP!

Now and then he exited boozers on the way, crawling on his belly, but most of the time, pissed as a newt, he did the trip sitting in the co-drivers seat of a two-seater sports car that did the 20000 mile trip from Norway to Chile!

Jaggedone, sent his star pissed-up booze specialist CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) reporter, Jim BeamMeup-Scotty, to Chile to meet this fabulous globe-trotting alcoholic for an interview and here it is:

"Ben, how was the trip?"

"Fuck knows, I don't remember much, BURP!"

"Ben, the 20000 miles you drove you didn't really notice?"

"Did we drive 20000 miles, man I need a wee, this Chilean beer tastes like cats piss!"

"Ben, what was your fav watering hole en-route?"

"Er, that one in Utah with those crazy Mormons, man they can drink you under the fucking table, and that's only the 10 wives!"

"Ben, but Mormons don't drink alcohol and if they do God will burn them alive!"

"Sure, but they certainly know how to shag their husband, I wanna be a Mormon too, man all those lovely wives, I'd become an alcoholic keeping them happy, BURP!"

"Ben, what are your future plans?"

"Well, first I'll get back to Blighty, get sobered up, and then go on a pub crawl from east to west, I've heard those Aussie boys know how to down a bevvie or 10, and just can't wait to crawl under the table with them, BURP!"

The Guinness Book of records is refusing to register Ben as the biggest boozer on the planet because if there's one beer he hates, it's theirs!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Alcohol




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