Written by joseph k winter

Friday, 16 February 2018

image for US Navy surveillance off North Korea deciphers mysterious audio from Pyongyang

Specialists aboard an aircraft carrier off the coast of North Korea have broken through what appears to be secret code used in Kim Jong Un territory.

Commanded by Admiral J. “Caesar” Whittlebane, the carrier’s crew was deeply shocked recently when the voice of Kim Jong Un sounded above and below decks.

Kim was singing what sounded like, “Yes! Yes! Oh, honey . . . The peanack hustle, the peanack hustler!”

Mr. Kim’s preference for peanut butter (crunchy), despite sanctions—a quart every few days—is well known.

However, theorizing that “peanack hustle” or “peanack hustler” is Korean pronunciation for “peanut butter” has been discarded.

Something more sinister is evident.

When audio technicians in the COM shack magnified Mr. Kim’s voice, the carrier’s 85,000 tons shivered and threw Admiral Whittlebane out of his bunk to the deck.

But clarity arrived directly following, with Mr. Kim crooning: “Why not a Project for a New Korean century?”

Kim’s intentions are now clear. This language “peanack hustle/hustler” is translated as reference to the American PNAC (Project for a New American Century) program from the 1990’s.

This PNAC program, still ongoing, was conceived “to spread democracy throughout the globe” via aggressive military conquest.

It formed the blueprint for America’s move toward world hegemony, as with wars in Iraq and Afghanistan early in this century.

Additionally, the original PNAC text (now declassified) bears the PS:

“BTW this program will do no harm in our quest to harness world resources—as with oil and such!”

With new understanding of what Kim is up to, Admiral Whittlebane immediately contacted the US mainland.

On Wednesday, his colleague Admiral Harry Harris testified to the House Armed Services Committee that Kim means to spread communism everywhere, starting with South Korea.

Pentagon historians are seeing reprise of the old commie “domino theory” from Vietnam days.

That is, after converting South Korea to communism, Kim will move on to capture Japan, Guam, Hawaii, and Malibu Beach.

Mr. Kim has denied these allegations.

These lyrics derive from childhood dreams, he said, at the time the American PNAC policy was being created.

As further response he took to his microphone again with: “I got the peanack hustler blues, baby, why me, why me, I say . . .”

Meanwhile, several carriers and their battle groups are already moving to surround the Korean peninsula, where they will remain permanently on station.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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