Canada's Famed Ice Hills Disappearing; Global Warming Victims

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Saturday, 27 July 2019

Tuktovaktuk [Tuk], Northwest Territories, Canada. Special to The Spoof - via dogsled. Canada's famed ice hills, formally known as pingos, have fallen victim to global warming. The Canadian government has undertaken drastic countermeasures in an attempt to save the remaining but threatened landforms in this wilderness on the shore of the Arctic Ocean.

The Tuk pingos, ice mounds covered with soil and elevated by hydrostatic pressure, stand 200 feet above the surrounding landscape, and are up to 2,000 feet in diameter. Here at Tuk, as this place is commonly referred to, there are dozens of ice hills, drawing visitors from around the world. Until recently, that is, because the pingos are shriveling as the ice underneath them melts, in the warmest decade on record.

To combat the shrinking, and the loss of tourist revenue, a major source of income for the local economy, the Canadian Parliament has authorized expenditure of $50 million to shore up the pingos. Tunneling into the few ice hills chosen for preservation has begun for the installation of giant freezers, to combat the warming trend. Sun screens have been erected on them as well.

It may be too late to save the pingos, and real estate developers have already drawn plans for the Pingo Hills subdivision.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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