Woman Who Read Oxford English Dictionary From Cover To Cover, Not Impressed

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 15 July 2019

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A woman who read the Oxford English Dictionary all the way through, has said she wasn't impressed, and wouldn't be recommending it to others.

Wendy O'Kooms, 23, a student from Dublin, is an avid reader, and belongs to a Literary Circle which meets the second Thursday in every month at a local library. Members take turns to speak about a book they've recently read, and discuss it with the group.

Wendy selected the 'Compact Oxford English Dictionary' and gave it her fullest attention all through the month of June. She made notes, and researched related works before giving her presentation last night.

She started by introducing her selection, which produced sideways glances and a few nervous coughs.

Wendy was scathing in her analysis of the book. It was, she said, totally devoid of a plot, and "never really got going". There was no character development, or, indeed, any central theme. The storyline was impossible to follow, and overall, the text was 'wordy' and 'verbose' - in some places, to saturation point. It was written by someone who had no feel for atmosphere, in a regimented style, and with masses of unnecessary small detail.

Other members of the group were incredulous. Carole Radius has been a part of the Circle for many years. She said:

"I'm incredulous! I've always wanted to say that!"

Others were just as banal. Terry Tangent laughed:

"I wasn't listening, I'm afraid. I tend not to, and when consulted, I often talk about things that are only partly related to those which we are supposed to be discussing."

Leader of the group, Charles Dickinson, said:

"She said she'd already waded through several similar dictionaries, and this was the one she liked least. We've provided her with a 'suggested reading' list."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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