Grieving Woman Finds Difficult People Refreshing to Be Around

Written by Chrissy Benson

Thursday, 11 July 2019

image for Grieving Woman Finds Difficult People Refreshing to Be Around
Melanie Meadows seeks not a shoulder to cry on but a cold shoulder to distract her from her grief.

After losing her beloved feline companion of over twelve years, Sammy, Melanie Meadows of New York City could scarcely stem the tide of tears that threatened to surge from her eyes at any given moment, but soon learned, to her relief, that unpleasant, irritating people offered her a welcome distraction from her grief.

"The second that people are nice and ask me how I'm doing, I break down," said Meadows, explaining the reason that warm conversations pose a real risk of her losing it altogether. "But when people are annoying or just generally jerks, I'm safe."

The emotional reprieve offered by petty, exasperating people has caused a veritable transformation in her relationships, says Meadows. "Instead of avoiding those kinds of people, now I seek them out." She added that she was even contemplating dating an egotistical, narcissistic acquaintance for the simple reason that she knew he would never ask her to discuss her own feelings.

All that being said, Meadows acknowledged that the distraction offered by annoying people hasn't fundamentally changed the ache she feels from losing Sammy. "My heart will never totally heal," she said. "But if I hang out with enough negative people, maybe they'll poke me in different places, and it'll be a more manageable sort of pain."

She pondered her own statement. "I guess that's why people turn to self-harming behaviors, like cutting. That could be an option."

She shook her head, reconsidering. "No, that's probably not a good path to go down. Maybe I'll just try distracting myself with writing."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more