"It Wasn't Me!", Said Girl

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 29 July 2019

image for "It Wasn't Me!", Said Girl
It wasn't her

A filthy young New York streetgirl accused of stealing and eating some chocolate from a shop, has claimed she wasn't responsible, despite the evidence still being all over her face.

The grotty urchin, who looked about 5 years old, was interviewed by police officers outside a 7-eleven in Harlem, after a store employee identified her.

When questioned, the girl, with tousled hair, ragged clothes, and a stream of snot all along her top lip, told officers:

"It wasn't me!"

Several eyewitnesses who had been in the 7Eleven at the time, also pointed the finger of guilt at the girl, but she stubbornly repeated her denial:

"It wasn't me!"

One of the officers took pity on the girl, and took her to a nearby restroom, so that she could use the toilet and clean up her face.

Then, with the girl now freshly spruced-up, the officers reviewed the store's CCTV footage of the incident, proving, without any shadow of a doubt, that the suspect was the thief. Calmly, the girl asked:

"Don't you need some kind of 'physical evidence' of stolen goods?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more