Bloke Whose Arse Exploded Is Out Of Danger

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 22 July 2019

image for Bloke Whose Arse Exploded Is Out Of Danger
Cannon wreaks havoc as other diners look on

A man who was taken to hospital after his arse exploded has been told by medical staff that he is "lucky to be alive", but is now out of danger, and at home recovering.

The man, Dave Cannon, suffered a severe attack of the phenomenon known as 'Rectal Combustion', whereby, for no definitive reason, a person's back passage suddenly starts to overheat, and then ignites and explodes, treating those nearby to a display of pyrotechnics they will never forget.

Cannon got fired-up after consuming a Phaal Chicken Curry with Scotch Bonnet peppers at an Indian restaurant in Blackrod near Bolton. According to other diners, he suddenly got to his feet, then bent almost double as he held his stomach. There was then an almighty rushing of air not dissimilar to a rocket launch, and a fireball leapt from his anus, setting some curtains on fire.

Eyewitnesses say Mr Cannon's arse was put out by waiters, and an ambulance was called to take him to hospital.

After a night under observation at Bolton General Hospital, the patient was released, and advised to be more careful about what he orders in Indian restaurants in the future.

One doctor said:

"A plate of boiled rice would probably be better, unless he's planning on giving another fireworks display!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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