BILLINGSGATE POST: Slim Everdingle was driving around Washington and he sees a sign in front of a house in the suburbs. “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell, and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. Slim goes into the backyard and sees Muttley sitting there, wagging his tail.
“You talk?” he asks.
“Sure do,” Muttley replies.
After Slim recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, “what's your story?”
Muttley looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was just a pup. Like President Obama, I wanted to help the country. So I went to the CIA. In no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders. No one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.”
“'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.”
“Then I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.”
Slim is absolutely amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'”Ten bucks,” the guy says.
“Ten bucks? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
“Because he's a f*cking Democrat and a liar. He never did any of that shit.”
Slim: “Should be running for President.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Sum bitch is worthless.”