Weather Forecast For Today

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 28 July 2019

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Anything's possible

The recent heatwave that's been making things very uncomfortable for some people, especially when trying to sleep, is set to continue in many areas, but there is an end in sight. Here's the weather forecast for the next few days, where YOU are:

If you wake up and see a giant yellow orb in the sky, and flowers in your garden are starting to wilt, and things outside are on fire, there's a good chance that the warm weather is going to continue for a little while longer, so remember to cover up, and apply the sunscreen!

For many of us, though, although it's been hot for a while, we're now in for some cooler weather in the next few days, especially if you live near the sea, where it's likely there could be a breeze. Stay tuned to the Shipping Forecast for regular updates on gales and squalls.

Away from the coast, you might find that, if you're venturing outdoors, taking an umbrella with you is a good idea. Frequent inexplicable sudden downpours are a hallmark of the British summer, and there is a 50% chance of rain wherever you are, and, naturally, a 50% chance of something other than rain.

Thunderstorms are always possible at this time of year. Remember, don't stand under trees - you might get covered in bird shit.

In certain areas, there's a potential for some really quite cold weather, and, if you're going out, please wrap up well. You don't want to catch a summer cold.

Early morning fog patches could be a problem for motorists, because it tends to limit drivers' visibility, and crashes could occur, becoming huge pile-ups if other road users are not being careful and watching what they are doing.

Just about the only relatively safe prediction we can make about the weather in the coming week, is that there'll almost certainly be little to no chance of snow. Although, again, this is Britain, and anything could happen.

And finally, don't place too much trust in us weather forecasters. It's a notoriously difficult science, and we invariably get things wrong, so take things as they come, and stop complaining.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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