Egyptians dominate Wimbledon again

Sunday, 14 July 2019

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Giza: the home of tennis

It has come as no surprise that Amenhotep III has won yet another Wimbledon title, bringing his total number of Grand Slam victories to 37. He defeated Ramesses IV in a thrilling final match on Centre Court, where as many as 10,000 spectators watched them hit the ball back and forth.

Bandages flew, and Amenhotep III even needed a break to drain his excess bodily fluid into a scarab beetle. Ramesses IV sacrificed three slaves, to the shock of the crowd, but the umpire let him proceed when it became clear that they had already been dead for millenia.

Despite the ritual, Amenhotep III beat him 6-4 6-3 4-6 6-4, and will have another trophy to add to his mausoleum. Let's hope that bandits don't steal this one.

After much initial optimism, it was another bad year for Tim Henman. Among polite shouts of "Come on, Tim", the 44-year-old lost to Thutmose II in straight sets in the first round.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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