Cat Put Amongst Pigeons

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 1 July 2019

image for Cat Put Amongst Pigeons
Pigeons attack a man and his cat in Trafalgar Square in London

Animal Rights campaigners were 'up in arms' in Cumbria yesterday afternoon, after they were made aware of the plight of a neighbourhood cat that had been put amongst some pigeons.

According to the activists, the Carlisle cat was an unwilling participant in an amateur experiment by local moron, Ian Crebman, who had in mind a phrase he wanted to try out.

Crebman's neighbour, Eric Bannam, keeps pigeons in a coop in his back yard. Said the former about the latter:

"The bastard has them pigeons cooing all day long! I wanted to shut 'em up for good!"

He decided on conclusive action, and threw Timmy, the moggy belonging to his other neighbour, Carmen Bain, over Eric's wall, and in amongst his flock of pigeons.

Chaos ensued. There was a shriek, a frantic flapping of wings, and then a cloud of feathers rose above the level of the wall. Timmy then reappeared on top of it, looking agitated.

Timmy's owner, Carmen, later said:

"I don't particularly like cats either, but treating him like this was a bit off. Minding his own business, he was thrust into the middle of something he wanted no part of. Then again, that Ian's a right wanker!"

Ena McBrain, a spokeswoman for the Cats' Protection League, miaowed:

"This cat was shoved into a situation in which it felt most uncomfortable, and, from what I hear, the pigeons weren't too impressed either."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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