Kylie Minogue Furious At Sir David Attenborough

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 1 July 2019

image for Kylie Minogue Furious At Sir David Attenborough
Oh, no! What has he done now?

There was real Australian soap-style drama at Glastonbury on Sunday, when Aussie pop princess Kylie Minogue became enraged before her performance had actually started, by Sir David Attenborough, who came onstage immediately before her.

Minogue, who has had success with hits like 'The Locomotion', 'I Should Be So Lucky', 'Got To Be Certain', 'Especially For You' (with Jason Donovan), 'Hand On Your Heart', 'Tears On My Pillow', 'Better The Devil You Know', 'Step Back In Time', 'Shocked', 'If You Were With Me Now', 'Give Me Just A Little More Time', 'Confide In Me', 'Where The Wild Roses Grow' (with Nick Cave), 'Spinning Around', 'On a Night Like This', 'Kids' (with Robbie Williams), 'Please Stay', 'Can't Get You Out Of My Head', 'Slow', 'I Believe In You', 'Giving You Up', 'In My Arms', and 'Wow' to name but twenty-two, waited patiently, at first, for the 93-year-old naturalist to finish spouting on about the way the festival-goers had helped to save the planet by not consuming water from plastic bottles.

As Attenborough waffled on and on, however, the former 'Neighbours' actress started to become irritated, and then visibly agitated, pacing up and down just out of sight of the vast crowd at the Pyramid Stage.

Eventually, just as Attenborough finished speaking, Minogue bawled:

"Are you almost finished, y'Pommie barsted?"

but, due to the applause, this was only heard by a few people at the front.

Backstage, Nick Cave stalked up and down menacingly.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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