Deliveroo Expands Operations to Cater for Lunar Explorers

Written by Paxton Quigley

Wednesday, 24 July 2019

image for Deliveroo Expands Operations to Cater for Lunar Explorers
"Your order for squashed avocado on toast and falafels with extra oxygen".

Deliveroo is the fast-food delivery service that you either love or hate.

You love Deliveroo if you're a lazy bastard who can't be arsed to get out of bed in the morning to cook breakfast, or pour milk on your corn flakes. You love Deliveroo if you want to impress your new girlfriend before her first "stopover", but haven't bothered to learn any culinary skills, so what the hell, it's pizza, and she should be grateful. If you think she deserves better, you can even call Deliveroo to go to McDonalds, so that you can give her a Quarter Pounder. That should do the trick. Amazing.

You hate Deliveroo if you are a driver or pedestrian on the streets of London, particularly at night, and spend your time avoiding the thousands of crazed idiot delivery persons riding their scooters with L-plates through red lights, or on their bikes at night, without lights or riding on the pavement. Fast-food apocalypse. Fucking hell.

On the back of raised interest in lunar exploration, and with news that Russia's Sirius Moon project crew was left hungering for steak, The Spoof has learned that Deliveroo is secretly planning to expand its service beyond its currently limited sphere, and to make its first tentative steps to becoming a fully interplanetary service, beginning with the Moon.

Russian Moon Project Crew Wanted Steak

On the steps of 10 Downing Street today, new prime minister and Brexit cheerleader, so-called Boris Johnson, included a reference to Deliveroo's new venture, clenching his fist in salute to the company's bravado.

"This is just what we need, global Britain...waffle...entrepreneurial spirit...waffle...new markets...bumble...no deal...waffle...optimism...bumble...enterprise...whatever."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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