The Man Who Speaks In Seven-word Sentences

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 7 July 2019

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Seven words only, and not one more has received information pertaining to the strange antics and behavior of an individual who, in normal, everyday conversation, speaks only in sentences containing seven words - no more, no less.

The man, Bernard Septimus, born on 7 July 1977, has so astounded listeners by sticking rigidly to his pattern of speaking in seven-word sentences that people have now started to try to catch him out, but have thus far failed. We sent someone along to Bernard's home at number 7, Severn Street, in Sevenoaks to check his story out.

When our man asked him if it was true that he only spoke sentences consisting of seven words, Bernard replied:

"Yes, it's true I speak in sevens."

He was asked if he could give an example.

Said Bernard:

"Certainly, I can give you an example."

Laughing, our man said:

"Go on, then!"


"By your leave, that was an example!"

Asked why he had such a liking for the number seven, he replied:

"It started with the shape of heptagons," he said. "A fifty pence is a beautiful thing! Then, there's the days of the week! And the seven colors of the rainbow! It got to be a bad habit. So bad, that I couldn't stop myself. And haven't been able to stop myself."

"There's something special about the number seven. I know it's silly, but that's me!"

Many happy returns of the day, Bernard!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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