Democrats Push $289 Minimum Wage in Campaigns

Written by Zabdgrov667

Tuesday, 23 July 2019

image for Democrats Push $289 Minimum Wage in Campaigns
New Wages.... Still Half of "Personal Escort" or Model Hourly Rates

WASHINGTON DC - Earlier in June of this year, Democrat 2020 candidates for President supported $15 per hour as a Federal minimum wage. In the US Presidential Election of 2016, Hillary Clinton had backed a $12 per hour minimum wage to be enforced across all 50 states with a new agency within the Department of Labor. Of course, the Wall Street and corporate interests would be expected to stop giving their MILLIONS of Dollars to any politician who started killing their profits.

Now, in July 2019, a "Bidding War" among the 81 Democrat Presidential Candidates has risen to a PROMISE of $289 per hour as a Nation-wide Minimum Wage. The first "raise" came from Michigan Freshman Democrat Rashida Tlaib in the US House, calling for $20 per hour.

Reporters asked Bernie Sanders why he offered a lower wage than Tlaib (D-MI). Momentarily stunned, the Senator from Vermont shouted "I'll make it $30 an hour ... No Starvation Wages!!!" He added to his statement, telling the crowd how the CEO of Walmart was making a thousand times more than the average Walmart employee.

Hillary Clinton (War-Monger, Political Opportunist): "I was ROBBED of the 2016 Presidency. I would have GLADLY supported a $50 per hour minimum wage, but Advisors and Party Polling Studies would not let me add it to our White House Campaign. Too many Democrats were AFRAID they would lose donations, because I WANTED TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT and not give in to Wall Street."

Economic Analysts at CNN have been very supportive of a Federal Mandate forcing a $289 hourly minimum wage, given to every person within United States borders.

Dr Sanjay Gupta (Correspondent): "You know, it is very unfortunate that people are not getting a fair wage.... We are talking about everyone, including refugees who ignore US laws, but provide services which the entire US economy is built upon - like selling heroin, or crystal meth. If someone comes from Colombia, carrying 40 kilos of marijuana for a drug cartel, he should get $289-an-hour as soon as he sets foot in the United States.... It's only fair."

Former "Budget Policy Wonk" Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) was asked about his opinion on setting a minimum wage that exceeded average salaries by such a large margin. The first five minutes of his reply was mostly "F*CK Them Republicans" and "DC Don't Know, Don't Understand the SH#T I Know" and "B#tches Better RESPECT Me." However, he did offer some details on the National Debt.

Paul Ryan (Fmr Speaker of House, Never-Trumper): "Who cares about $289 an hour? ... Eventually, every politician in Congress will get their cut of taxpayer money in exchange for YES votes on budget bills, and it's going to be about $90 TRILLION in spending.... The US National Debt is going to be $153 TRILLION by 2025, so the only way to pay the Interest on the Debt is to tax everyone at 99% and have everyone getting at least $200 per hour while working 60 hour weeks without vacation."

Will Minimum Wage of $289 per hour become US Federal Law?

Since campaign staffers for Bernie Sanders began asking "When do I get MY $15 an hour?", the answers seem to be "maybe tomorrow" or "next year" or "after the next election." However, considering the number of corrupt, despicable Pathological Liars in the US Congress, we can safely assume that the only people who will be "getting the money" are going to be politicians, lobbyists, and their cronies.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more