Brexit now infecting every aspect of our lives complain British public

Wednesday, 31 July 2019

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Much like explosive diarrhoea, Brexit is the gift that keeps on giving. It now appears to be infecting the most benign conversations. Every day, domestic drudgery and water-cooler moments are new opportunities for Brexiteers and Remainers to sling mud at one another.

Local man, Timothy Spaulding, complained, "My wife, who voted 'remain', still hasn't forgiven me for voting 'leave'. I informed her that I was taking the bins 'out', and she sarcastically asked me if I was trying to 'take back control of the recycling'.

"Another time, I casually mentioned that I was popping down to the local 7/11 to get some tinnies, when she responded, 'are you going out? Because, remember, out means out.' To which I responded, 'Careful, Darling, because I might go out and leave.eu for good!' She didn't think that was funny, and was nearly successful in giving me a swift knee to the Rees-Moggs."

Timothy explained how he isn't even aware that he is sprinkling Brexit metaphors into conversation, and that the Brexit vote has even impacted upon their love life. "Ever since my wife, who is Irish, discovered that I voted leave, she has put up a hard border, and won't give me tariff-free access to her customs area. I've tried putting it in her back-stop but that just makes her angry."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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