Boris Johnson 'Victory' Is Really Just A Vote Of 'No Confidence' In Other Tories

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 27 July 2019

image for Boris Johnson 'Victory' Is Really Just A Vote Of 'No Confidence' In Other Tories
Pinch yourself, it's the UK prime minister!

Boris Johnson, the rebellious, rambunctious renegade who has become Conservative Party leader, and UK prime minister as a result, fully believes in his ability to resolve the countries woes, and get it back on its feet again.

But is he the only one who does?

The very fact that Johnson is sitting in number 10 Downing Street this morning tells us that, of all the other Tory candidates who threw their hats into the ring for the leadership contest, Boris Johnson is the one who members felt could do the job best.

What does this say about the others?

What about Matt Hancock? "What about Matt Hancock?" you may well ask, and there would be no sensible response. Not from me, anyway.

Similarly, Mark Harper, Andrea Leadsom, Esther McVey, Dominic Raab, and Rory Stewart could not hold a candle to the larger-than-life Johnson, who, at least, would provide the Tories with some kind of image, some kind of identity, someone who wouldn't mind 'getting his hands dirty', and someone who might get stuck in.

What kind of image or identity Johnson will provide, is the issue at hand.

Michael Gove hung in for a while, until news of his drug addictions hit the news. He didn't so much drop out of the contest, as much as having to endure the 'tut-tutting' of other members, as he slunk away, saying it was all "in the past", in the same way that his political career now should be.

Sajid Javid, the man whose name would have been uttered incorrectly in a thousand different ways by EU officials if he'd ever been successful, and who'd only got the mayor's job to keep the lid on things, and hold the left at bay, ultimately bowed out when it became apparent that the country just wasn't ready for a prime minister with an Indian sub-continent name.
Fifty years from now, maybe.


And, finally, the one that wouldn't give up, Jeremy Hunt. Least said, soonest mended.

Numerous 'others' announced their candidacies, but then stepped back into the murky Conservative shadows from whence they'd crept.

Similar in nature to the 2016 American presidential election, where, out of a nation of 325million people, voters couldn't quite believe they'd left themselves a choice between the two they had: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump.

And so it was here: Johnson or Hunt. What an awful decision to make.
The Nazi or the Nerd.

In the long run, the moneyed members of the Tory Party, though they may not necessarily be Nazis themselves, decided they'd rather have one in the hot seat than a nerd, and that's the real reason Boris Johnson, aka Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, is the new leader of the Conservative Party, and the new UK prime monster.

Roll on, General Election time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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