There have been 173 spoof news stories published in November 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: West Brom Fans Disrespectful To Fallen War Heroes

West Brom Fans Disrespectful To Fallen War Heroes

Remembrance Day is the day when those who perished in battle are honoured with a celebration of their bravery, and recognition of the price they paid for our freedom. We should observe it, each in our own way, but, ideally, not in the way some sectio...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Switch On Manchester Christmas Lights

Harry Maguire To Switch On Manchester Christmas Lights

There was good news for the shopping public of Manchester today, when it was announced that Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender, would be appearing 'in person' in the city centre on Thursday, 14 November, to switch the city's Christ...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Preside Over Manchester United Christmas Service

Harry Maguire To Preside Over Manchester United Christmas Service

Manchester United have announced full details of their Christmas and New Year celebrations, with the highlight being the MUFC Christmas Service to be held outside Old Trafford on Sunday, 22 December, and which will be presided over by central defende...

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Funny story: Manchester United Unveil New Festive Kit

Manchester United Unveil New Festive Kit

Premier League strugglers, Manchester United, have revealed details of their new special festive edition strip, which, it's hoped, will produce enough sales to swell their coffers sufficiently to buy some more new players. The kit, which has more...

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Funny story: First Genetically Engineered Cat Girl Licks Harry Maguire’s Balls

First Genetically Engineered Cat Girl Licks Harry Maguire’s Balls

BILLINGSGATE POST: Shockwaves reverberated throughout the febrile English football world as the first genetically engineered cat girl broke ranks with tradition, and licked Manchester United defenseman Harry Maguire’s balls as he went onto the field...

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Funny story: Greta Thunberg Nominated For Several Awards

Greta Thunberg Nominated For Several Awards

Greta Thunberg, the Swedish environmental campaign activist schoolgirl who has taken the world by storm by staring gloweringly into the faces of polluters and their stooges, has been nominated for several prodigious awards in relation to her 'work'.

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Funny story: Greta Thunberg Will Peddle Swan Boat Back Across Atlantic.

Greta Thunberg Will Peddle Swan Boat Back Across Atlantic.

Somewhere in Northern Mexico - After sailing to New York City in August, Swedish climate activist, Greta Thunberg, has been slowly making her way to Chilé for more climate talks, by pumping an old-fashioned railroad handcar across North America. With...

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Funny story: Man looking forward to hearing Coldplay's next album

Man looking forward to hearing Coldplay's next album

Gary Johnson, a 48-year-old married man from Chutney on the Fritz, has claimed that his highlight for the year is the release of Coldplay's new album. The circular music carrier, with an obscure neo-intellectual name, is set to hit the record empo...

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Funny story: Man Has Bought New Car

Man Has Bought New Car

Cars aren't everyone's cup of tea, but one man who has been a strong enthusiast of all kinds of vehicles for more than fifty years, has been 'in the market' recently, and ended up buying a beautiful new green pickup truck. Moys Kenwood, 56, says...

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Funny story: Donald Trump survives Halloween

Donald Trump survives Halloween

A pumpkin, carved as the embodiment of evil, Donald Trump, has survived Halloween. Gary Thomas, a six-week old pumpkin, was picked by Democrat supporter Brick Socks, and was soon repeatedly stabbed through his thick orange skin, until the gawping,...

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Funny story: Wile E Mexicans Sawing Though New Trump Wall: Build A Moat, Foo.

Wile E Mexicans Sawing Though New Trump Wall: Build A Moat, Foo.

BILLINGSGATE POST: I knew this would happen. Only a fool would build a wall. Given enough time, a greater fool will find a way to go over it, under it or through it. Evidently, the Mexicans have decided to go through it. Using a conventional r...

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Funny story: Dolphin said that he won't be able to go swimming with Dave in Accounts

Dolphin said that he won't be able to go swimming with Dave in Accounts

Stanley Bridgewater, a six-year-old Bottlenosed Dolphin, is today distracted that he missed, for the seventh time in a matter of days, the chance to go swimming with Dave from Accounts. Every Accounts department has a Dave, with a bad comb-over, i...

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Funny story: VAR Controversy As Ref Discovered To Be Blind In One Eye

VAR Controversy As Ref Discovered To Be Blind In One Eye

There was more VAR controversy last night, when it was discovered that a referee being used at Stockley Park for one of the Premier League's top matches on Saturday, was blind in one eye. Bert Squint, who was a linesman for the 1975 FA Cup final b...

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Funny story: Top 10 Reasons Cats Aren't Mentioned in the Bible

Top 10 Reasons Cats Aren't Mentioned in the Bible

Two things are certain about the bible: animals were harmed during its production, and cats are not mentioned anywhere in it. If you care to, you can find calves and camels, canker worms and cattle, cocks and colts, crickets and crocodiles, but no ca...

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Funny story: 6 Life Lessons Your Professors Will Never Teach You In College

6 Life Lessons Your Professors Will Never Teach You In College

WARNING: This article lacks thematic unity, and it is not based on research. It contains grammar mistakes, illogical thought patterns, irreversible anger, iconoclastic nihilism, nihilistic iconoclasm, hyperactive thoughts, bad intentions, needless...

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Funny story: Millions Of Flying Insects Invade Man's Property

Millions Of Flying Insects Invade Man's Property

A man has told how his home was invaded by "millions" of flying insects that arrived shortly after dark, and buzzed obsessively around a light for hours. The scene at the home of Englishman, Moys Kenwood, was "like something out of a horror movie"...

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Funny story: Pacific Gas & Electric plans shutdown of power to entire state of California

Pacific Gas & Electric plans shutdown of power to entire state of California

Due to the latest outbreak of fire caused by its own faulty transmission wires, PG&E has said it simply can’t afford too many more homeless bringing lawsuits against the company. Once again, as with the recent horrific Kincaid fire in Northern...

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Funny story: "Surprise Meat" Latest in Healthier Animal Products Market

"Surprise Meat" Latest in Healthier Animal Products Market

Recognizing that cows, chickens, pigs, and other farmed animals are flooded with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline in the moments of anticipation prior to their brutal slaughterhouse death, making their flesh that much unhealthier for huma...

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Funny story: Ray Winstone Lands EastEnders Part

Ray Winstone Lands EastEnders Part

Ray Winstone, the star of the cult 1979 movie, 'Scum', and 2000's 'Sexy Beast', is to make a guest star appearance in the upcoming Christmas edition of BBC soap, EastEnders, it has been revealed. He will then become a full member of the cast. Wins...

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Funny story: New Sex Drug Stops Premature Ejaculation

New Sex Drug Stops Premature Ejaculation

SAN ANTONIO - Johnson & Johnson, makers of No More Tears, electrified the proceedings of the American Urological Association here yesterday by announcing the development of a drug that stops premature ejaculation in its tracks. That drug, dapoxe...

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Funny story: Man leaving his job taking inspiration from Brexit Shambles

Man leaving his job taking inspiration from Brexit Shambles

Brian Asshat, a 63-year-old grammar nazi and part-time train spotter, wants to leave his job, but wants to do it the Brexit way. 'I was watching the news, and I thought about what would happen if I played my departure like Brexit. I will leave. I...

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Funny story: How to Tell You're Watching Bad Porn

How to Tell You're Watching Bad Porn

Jesus once said, "The porn you will always have with you." He was right. In fact, porn is multiplying faster than the loaves and fishes. Last year more than 5.5 billion hours of porn were consumed on Pornhub, the world’s largest porn gallery (Pornhub...

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Funny story: Shapeless House Dress Garment of Choice for Many American Women

Shapeless House Dress Garment of Choice for Many American Women

Increasingly edging out workout clothes and sweatpants, the shapeless house dress has become the fashion garment of choice for American women who have had enough of fitted attire. "They're so easy," said Anna Partridge of Nashville, Tennessee, who...

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Funny story: Man Watching In The Night Garden going slowly mad

Man Watching In The Night Garden going slowly mad

A man in Chutney On The Fritz can't sleep after watching ten episodes of In The Night Garden with his three-year-old son. 'I loved the first episode, but the Iggle Piggle got lost in the forest one night, and the Ninky Nonk couldn't find him. I co...

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Funny story: Cubs embark on ambitious 100-year plan to bring World Series title back to Chicago

Cubs embark on ambitious 100-year plan to bring World Series title back to Chicago

Following the dismissal of Joe Maddon last month and this week’s hiring of new skipper David Ross, the Chicago Cubs have positioned themselves brilliantly for a run at a World Series title in 2119. In Monday’s presser, Ross stressed accountability...

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Funny story: VAR To Be Reviewed By VARVAR

VAR To Be Reviewed By VARVAR

The controversial Video Assistant Referee system that is causing so much confusion and animosity amongst players, coaches and football fans at the moment, is to undergo a major change, in that the initial VAR decision could now be reviewed by a secon...

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Funny story: New Game Of Thrones Game 'Winter Is Coming' Proves Winter Is, Indeed, Coming

New Game Of Thrones Game 'Winter Is Coming' Proves Winter Is, Indeed, Coming

A new game based on the hugely-popular 'Game of Thrones' HBO TV series, is evidence enough, says one man who is an expert on the weather, that winter is fast approaching, and will soon be upon us. 'Winter Is Coming' is a spin-off online game that...

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Funny story: Trump considering hero dog to replace Pence in 2020 campaign

Trump considering hero dog to replace Pence in 2020 campaign

Mr. Trump has announced that the heroic canine, Conan, who assisted commandoes in bringing down Abu Bakr-al Baghdadi, will visit the White House soon. Conan was injured during the raid, but has recuperated and returned to service. Conan is a veter...

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Funny story: Stock Market Soars as House Moves Toward Impeachment

Stock Market Soars as House Moves Toward Impeachment

Wall Street, NYC. Special to The Spoof. At the stock market's opening, Friday morning, following a vote in the House of Representatives to open an impeachment inquiry, the Dow Jones Industrial Average rose instantly over 200 points, and neared an all...

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Funny story: World Famous Mountain Climber Conquers Florida's Highest Hill

World Famous Mountain Climber Conquers Florida's Highest Hill

World famous mountaineer, Edward Cliff, became the first person to ascend Florida’s highest hill, known as Verdant Knoll on Saturday the second of November. It took the persistent and determined mountain climber three weeks to scale the mound, and br...

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Funny story: Heroic But Somewhat Disturbed And Violent Technical Writer Saves Newly-Married Couple From Demonic Force

Heroic But Somewhat Disturbed And Violent Technical Writer Saves Newly-Married Couple From Demonic Force

Jared Wall was never an ordinary man. Some considered him a myth, others appraised him as a legend, and many simply remembered him as the amazing technical documentation writer who produced software installation instructions, manufacturing efficienc...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Prefers Waiting for Low-Hanging Fruit to Fall to Ground

Nashville Man Prefers Waiting for Low-Hanging Fruit to Fall to Ground

A big proponent of energy conservation, Leon Mills of Nashville, Tennessee, prefers not to pick low-hanging fruit but instead to wait for it to fall to the ground. "It's riper that way, too," said Mills, who noted that biting into a less-than-ripe...

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Funny story: Hotel Prohibitions Were 'Slightly Odd'

Hotel Prohibitions Were 'Slightly Odd'

A guest staying overnight at a hotel was astonished when, after having been shown into his room by a porter, he then had his attention drawn to a notice on the bathroom door, indicating the hotel's 'strictly prohibited' items. Moys Kenwood, 56, ha...

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Funny story: Dion Waiters Latest NBA Player to OD on Gummy Bears

Dion Waiters Latest NBA Player to OD on Gummy Bears

Miami Heat guard, Dion Waiters, is the latest NBA player to run afoul of THC-infused gummy bears. On his team's flight from Phoenix to Los Angeles on Thursday. Waiters, 27, suffered a raging panic attack after he had "overdosed" on THC-infused gummy...

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Funny story: Hipster sewing mittens together

Hipster sewing mittens together

Hipster Kevin Wilkes, a 24-year-old entrepreneur from Chutney on the Fritz, has hit upon a brilliant business plan. 'Yesterday,' said the hirsute business boffin, 'I saw two toddlers in the park, with their mittens hanging out of their coats, and...

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Funny story: Gunpowder Plot Arrangements Coming Along Nicely

Gunpowder Plot Arrangements Coming Along Nicely

Plans to plant several tons of explosive materials under the Houses of Parliament in order to annihilate a 'full house' of members on Tuesday, are going well, and are on schedule, it has been rumoured. An unknown number of malcontents have been bu...

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Funny story: Major Morgan Dance Album Released

Major Morgan Dance Album Released

Kevin Wilkes, a 24-year-old hipster from Chutney-on-the Fritz, who recently started a business sewing mittens together, and opened an Etch-a-sketch-themed cafe, has further diversified his business portfolio with the release of Major Catastrophe, a d...

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Funny story: Man Injures Cranium On Overhead Fan On Bus

Man Injures Cranium On Overhead Fan On Bus

A man boarding a bus in the Thai capital of Bangkok was hurt when, watching where he was putting his feet, he walked headfirst into an overhead fan hanging from the roof of the vehicle, causing annoyance. Moys Kenwood, then 52, was boarding a numb...

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Funny story: Nashville Realtor Finds Online Dating More of a Seller's Market

Nashville Realtor Finds Online Dating More of a Seller's Market

Single for over three years, real estate agent Mike Fordham of Nashville, Tennessee, dipped his toe into the world of online dating, only to find it to be more of a seller's market. "What these women are asking is out of control," sad Fordham. "I'...

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Funny story: Mission accomplished: Doping completely eradicated - IAAF and IOC "thrilled to bits"

Mission accomplished: Doping completely eradicated - IAAF and IOC "thrilled to bits"

"Wonderful news, don't you think?" said a beaming Sebastian Coe, head of the IAAF, at a press conference in London yesterday. Sitting alongside Thomas Bach, President of the International Olympic Committee, Coe could hardly conceal his joy. "We've tr...

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Funny story: The Man's Guide To Surviving A Stent Removal

The Man's Guide To Surviving A Stent Removal

Did you know that if you have kidney surgery, the doctor will place an internal drainage tube called a stent in your ureter? Did you know that 6 weeks after the surgery, the doctor has to pull the stent out through your penis hole while you’re fully...

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Funny story: Local Man Patiently Waiting For Precious Moment When He Can Finally Just Give Up On Himself And Accept The Fact That He Is A Mediocre 'Piece Of Shit'

Local Man Patiently Waiting For Precious Moment When He Can Finally Just Give Up On Himself And Accept The Fact That He Is A Mediocre 'Piece Of Shit'

Janesville, Wisconsin. After enduring too many "self-improvement" battles that involved reading books, trying to learn new things, and engaging in pointless hobbies that left him feeling exhausted and unfilled, Craig Gerald, 37, confessed, Monday, t...

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Funny story: Eastender character embarrassed on the bus

Eastender character embarrassed on the bus

Claude Whathisname, a character actor on Eastenders, was shocked to realise that he had had torrid affairs with four passengers, three failed businesses involving eight of them, owed money to another four, and had seen another passenger at the GUM cl...

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Funny story: Democrats Vote To Decriminalize Crime: No More Folsom Prison Blues

Democrats Vote To Decriminalize Crime: No More Folsom Prison Blues

BILLINGSGATE POST: No more Folsom Prison Blues. If Johnny Cash were still alive, he wouldn’t be able to visit this California prison near Sacramento. The music he recorded inside these walls would now fall on deaf ears, because crime has been decrimi...

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Funny story: Man who couldn't turn a profit in a casino still President of the United States

Man who couldn't turn a profit in a casino still President of the United States

There was consternation in Washington, that failed casino owner Donald Trump is still the President of the United States. 'It all started as a joke,' said Republican support Norris Morris, 'but then it got more serious, when he ran, and then won,...

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Funny story: England In Bid To Score 10 Tomorrow Night Against Kosovo

England In Bid To Score 10 Tomorrow Night Against Kosovo

There was confidence aplenty running through the England squad this morning, as they woke up early to prepare for their 'academic' Euro 2020 qualifying game against Kosovo in Pristina on Sunday. The corresponding fixture at The Dell, recently, end...

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Funny story: Woman Becomes Personal Trainer Even Though She Has No Hands

Woman Becomes Personal Trainer Even Though She Has No Hands

A woman has astonished her tutors after enrolling on a course to become a Personal Trainer and passing it with flying colors just six months later - all without the benefit of hands! The woman, about whom very little is known, appears in an online...

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Funny story: Pacifist Waiter Offended when Customer Thanks Him for His Service

Pacifist Waiter Offended when Customer Thanks Him for His Service

Nineteen-year-old Kyle Lockwood, a criminal justice major and peace activist working as a waiter at a sports bar in New York City's Times Square, took great offense when, on Veteran's Day, as he set down a plate of onion rings on the table, an overwe...

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Funny story: Black Friday Is On A Friday Again

Black Friday Is On A Friday Again

Black Friday, the one day in the calendar year that can be relied upon to send all obsessive shoppers into a frenzy, can also be counted on in another way - it's always on a Friday! Held on the very next day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday can al...

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Funny story: Surgeon General Warns about Secondhand Gas

Surgeon General Warns about Secondhand Gas

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Secondhand gas dramatically increases the risk of acute nausea, insult to the nasal lining, asthma attacks, and even asphyxiation, this according to U.S. Surgeon General Vice Admiral Jerome Adams. In a sobering report issued November...

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Funny story: Jedward are not in Pantomime this year, oh no they are

Jedward are not in Pantomime this year, oh no they are

Jedward are set to star in pantomime this year. Oh no, they're not. Yes, that is how things are in the offices of Jedward's managers around late October, early November, Brick Roofing, the duo's long-suffering manager, said 'We know that they are...

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Funny story: Man signs up to Nanowrimo for the seventh time

Man signs up to Nanowrimo for the seventh time

Gary Johnson, a 48-year-old from Chutney on The Fritz, has signed up to Nanowrimo for the seventh time, and is yet to even think about his novel. Chutney on the Fritz is a well-known bed of intrigue, bed-hopping and strange people at the library,...

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Funny story: LAX to Ban All Cars Under "Trikes Only" Policy

LAX to Ban All Cars Under "Trikes Only" Policy

Los Angeles, CA. Plagued by perpetual auto gridlock on both the arrival and departure levels, Los Angeles International Airport today announced that all motorized vehicles would be banned from the roads in front of the terminals. Passengers arriving...

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Funny story: Manchester City Star Bernardo Silva To Be Brainwashed

Manchester City Star Bernardo Silva To Be Brainwashed

After the Football Association announced that they had fined Manchester City striker Bernardo Silva £50,000 and banned him for one match for a 'potentially-racist' tweet he sent to Benjamin Mendy, the club's hierarchy have said that, in order to avoi...

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Funny story: Etch-a-sketch Cafe Opens

Etch-a-sketch Cafe Opens

Hipster Kevin Wilkes, who has just set up a business sewing mittens together, so that fully-grown adults can relive a tiny amount of their long-forgotten childhood, has had a busy week, for today he is also opening up the first Etch-a-sketch cafe.

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Funny story: Raheem Sterling To Miss England Game As He Starts Nursery On Thursday

Raheem Sterling To Miss England Game As He Starts Nursery On Thursday

Manchester City and England striker, Raheem Sterling, is to miss his country's important Euro 2020 qualifier against Montenegro on Thursday, because he starts nursery that day. Sterling, 24, has made 55 appearances in a Three Lions shirt, scoring...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Classifies Anxiety as Exercise

Desperate FDA Classifies Anxiety as Exercise

Desperate to counter skyrocketing rates of mental illness and plummeting rates of physical activity, the Food and Drug Association has officially classified anxiety as exercise. "It really does get the heart rate up at times," said FDA Commissione...

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Funny story: GanjaScope Is President Trump's Favorite Read

GanjaScope Is President Trump's Favorite Read

We "heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend" that GanjaScope℠ is President Trump's "favorite read." That's what friend #1 (initials IT) told us. Friend #2 (initials KC) reports that "Donald has someone read [Gan...

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Funny story: Jacob Rees-Mogg Urged To "Jump" By Huge Crowd

Jacob Rees-Mogg Urged To "Jump" By Huge Crowd

The leader of the House of Commons, Jacob Rees-Mogg, was besieged by a huge crowd of spectators as he went walkabout on the roof of the Houses of Parliament today, after his comments earlier in the week about some of those who perished in the Grenfel...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Disappointed Satan Has Never Tried to Buy His Soul

Nashville Man Disappointed Satan Has Never Tried to Buy His Soul

"Not that I ever would," said Nate Bailey of Nashville, Tennessee, regarding the prospect of selling his soul to Satan, "but I'd kind of like to know what they're going for these days." Again emphasizing that doing a deal with the devil is not an...

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Funny story: How to Tell If Your College Football Team's Uniforms Are Gay

How to Tell If Your College Football Team's Uniforms Are Gay

BRISTOL, Conn.-- Are we hallucinating again, or have college football uniforms become even more gay-looking than before? When your alma mater takes the field, do its team members look like football players, or androgynous superheroes at a comic book...

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Funny story: Hull Man Gets Own Back On Mosquito

Hull Man Gets Own Back On Mosquito

Reports are emerging from the Thai capital of Bangkok, that a mosquito that had already bitten a man on the leg, but continued to relentlessly stalk the victim for 'afters', has been killed, after the aforementioned man remorselessly swatted it to de...

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Funny story: Government Climate Committee Agrees that Desperate Times Call for Discussion of Some Possible Measures

Government Climate Committee Agrees that Desperate Times Call for Discussion of Some Possible Measures

After some debate, a government action committee formed to address the ever-worsening climate crisis reached a consensus that these desperate environmental times call for discussion of taking some possible measures. “It’s too early to tell precise...

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Funny story: Sleep-Deprived Americans Push to Increase Snooze Button Window to Twelve Minutes

Sleep-Deprived Americans Push to Increase Snooze Button Window to Twelve Minutes

Long on stress and short on Zs, many sleep-deprived Americans are pushing to expand the standard snooze button window on alarm clocks from nine minutes to 12 minutes, to allow for a full one-third boost in rest time. "I don't think it's asking too...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Temporarily Misplaces His Mind

Nashville Man Temporarily Misplaces His Mind

“It’ll turn up somewhere, I’m sure,” said Troy Biggs of Nashville, Tennessee, of his mind, which he temporarily misplaced somewhere between home and work. “No big deal. It is a little inconvenient, though." For the time being, said Biggs, he’s doi...

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Funny story: No more flooding after Brexit

No more flooding after Brexit

Tories are queuing up to support their leader, Boris Johnson, after his claim that flooding currently hitting the north of England is a direct result of EU membership. "It's simple," explained Johnson. "After 31 January, winds will be redirected a...

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Funny story: Space Junk A Threat To Spacial Warming

Space Junk A Threat To Spacial Warming

Junk that is floating around in space could become a major contributor to Spacial Warming, it has been disclosed, and legal action against NASA is being considered. NASA could be prosecuted for what is often known as 'fly-tipping', a practice wher...

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Funny story: Traffic Was Intolerable, So Motorists Didn't Tolerate It

Traffic Was Intolerable, So Motorists Didn't Tolerate It

We've all been there, finishing a hard day's graft, looking forward to something to eat and a quiet night in front of the TV with the wife and kids, you leave work, it's pouring with rain, and you get stuck in a humungous, great traffic jam! Rush...

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Funny story: Hull Man Has Four Attempts At Picking Hair Up From Floor

Hull Man Has Four Attempts At Picking Hair Up From Floor

There was annoyance on a grand scale this morning when an Englishman living in the Thai capital of Bangkok took four attempts to successfully pick up a hair from the floor. The hair, one of the few that are left on the head of Moys Kenwood, 48, ha...

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Funny story: Five Celebrity Marijuana Brands We'd Like to See

Five Celebrity Marijuana Brands We'd Like to See

Celebrities are such douche bags. There isn't a fad, folly, or exercise in futility whose bandwagon doesn't come rolling down Rodeo Drive but that celebrities don't go running after it in the agitated pursuit of significance. Or money. Or notoriety.

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Funny story: Local Man Prefers Sex with Plants

Local Man Prefers Sex with Plants

Roger Stamen is not shy about declaring his preference in sexual partners. "Plants get me off," says Mr. Stamen, a self-employed landscape gardener. "They always have, ever since I was a kid. When other guys were masturbating to Penthouse or Beaver,...

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Funny story: Feds Will Put Alcatraz Back Into Service in Anticipation of Upcoming Trump Campaign, Second Term

Feds Will Put Alcatraz Back Into Service in Anticipation of Upcoming Trump Campaign, Second Term

San Francisco - The U.S. Federal Bureau of Prisons announced yesterday that it will transfer management of the Alcatraz Prison from the National Park Service back to the Prison Bureau, as the facility will be needed in the next 5 years to detain the...

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Funny story: Anniston denies accusations

Anniston denies accusations

In news slowly oozing to the top of the heap, American actress and one time Friends cast member, Jennifer Anniston has denied claims that she funded a covert action by a secret Government agency called PERFECT(People for the Election of Republican Fa...

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Funny story: Spirograph Bistro Opens

Spirograph Bistro Opens

In Orpington, retired multi-millionaire, Colin Powell Montgomery Ablitt Smyth the third, has just opened a Spirograph bistro. Following on from the news that Kevin Wilkes, a 24-year-old hipster from Chutney-on-the-Fritz has opened an etch-a-sketch...

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Funny story: Co-Workers Enjoy Hearty Chuckle at Boss's Expense

Co-Workers Enjoy Hearty Chuckle at Boss's Expense

Co-workers Martha Shea and Chris Belmont shared a hearty chuckle after their boss, Rebecca Fraser, walked into their office with toilet paper dragging from the heel of her fashionable black pump. "She's super stylish, kind of a fashionista, which...

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Funny story: Faf de Klerk's Wikipedia Page Describes Him As A "Bit Of A Bellend"

Faf de Klerk's Wikipedia Page Describes Him As A "Bit Of A Bellend"

World Cup-winning South Africa scrum-half, Faf de Klerk, hit the news on Sunday evening after greeting Prince Harry in the victors' dressing-room clad only in his underpants, but the tiny Springbok has made headlines again today, as his Wikipedia pag...

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Funny story: Man claims to have found God in Cornwall

Man claims to have found God in Cornwall

A man from Cornwall claims to have discovered evidence of God on Bodmin Moor. Geoff Tractor, 47, is an unemployed astronaut from Launceston, and is convinced that the creator of the Universe lives on the remote moorland. Tractor said, "I was up on...

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Funny story: Cricket Star Overlooked By Selectors Again

Cricket Star Overlooked By Selectors Again

A man who considered himself one of the best all-rounders in English cricket, has been left disappointed again, after having been ignored once again by the selectors for England's tour of New Zealand. Moys Kenwood, 56, was, whilst playing for Wold...

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Funny story: Introducing the World's First Horoscope for Cats

Introducing the World's First Horoscope for Cats

Unlike other astrologers, who rely on the mundane, the analog, and the antiquated to arrive at their “predictions,” Catmando boldly goes where no members of the cosmological fraternity dare to venture, predicting the future almost before it happens a...

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Funny story: Couple actually out dancing, rather than watching Strictly Come Dancing

Couple actually out dancing, rather than watching Strictly Come Dancing

Couple, Gary and Lorraine Johnson, have been out dancing tonight, rather than watching a couple of faded soap stars, and an Instagram influencer doing it to be criticised by some experts. 'We thought we hadn't been out dancing for a while,' said L...

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Funny story: Prostitutes in Switzerland initiate global protest against robotic sex dolls

Prostitutes in Switzerland initiate global protest against robotic sex dolls

In matters of the world’s oldest profession, prostitutes in Lucerne, Switzerland, are protesting over competition from sex robots. Robot dolls in Lucerne can be had at half the price, with a survey of 9,000 males in the area claiming that sex with...

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Funny story: Hull Man Found Crying Over Spilt Milk

Hull Man Found Crying Over Spilt Milk

A Hull man living in the Thai capital of Bangkok was said by friends to be "extremely upset with himself" this morning, after they found him at his apartment crying over some spilt milk. The 'spilt mlk' the man was crying over, was from a 1-litre...

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Funny story: Wildfires Raging All Across Country

Wildfires Raging All Across Country

In terrifying scenes comparable to those currently being seen across the Atlantic Ocean - in the United States of America - hundreds of wildfires are burning all over England's green and pleasant land tonight, as Bonfire Night gets well and truly un...

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Funny story: The "Chain Letter" You Always Wanted To See But Never Actually Did

The "Chain Letter" You Always Wanted To See But Never Actually Did

Greetings! Your help is needed! Today, you have the special opportunity to make a real difference in somebody’s life. Please read the following story all the way through, and you will see why. I am an over-caffeinated, hyperactive, alcoholic, s...

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Funny story: Greta Thunberg To Host Return Of The Weakest Link

Greta Thunberg To Host Return Of The Weakest Link

After a break from viewers' television screens of exactly two years, the quiz show, 'The Weakest Link', is to make a comeback, with Swedish environmental activist Greta Thunberg acting as the host. The show, involving 16 team members, revolves aro...

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Funny story: Pizza Express In Woking Have Never Heard Of Prince Andrew

Pizza Express In Woking Have Never Heard Of Prince Andrew

The manager of the Woking branch of Pizza Express, where Prince Andrew says he spent time with his daughter Beatrice on the day American woman Virginia Roberts claims he was raping her, has said he has never heard of the Royal. Branch manager, Gil...

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Funny story: Britain faces a Christmas election

Britain faces a Christmas election

Normally it is an occasion associated with excessive consumerism, fat-bellied bearded men giving gifts, and a drunken day off work. But this year, the election will fall at Christmastime, meaning that it will be even more garish and vomit-inducing th...

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Funny story: Man surprised he can't buy shorts in the shops now

Man surprised he can't buy shorts in the shops now

Barry Asshat, a 63-year-old from Chutney on the Fritz was shocked when he went to his local High Street clothing emporium, and couldn't buy shorts. 'Imagine my surprise' said the unimaginative buffoon 'I went to Mark and Spencers in the High Stree...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson's election bus to be powered by bullshit

Boris Johnson's election bus to be powered by bullshit

The UK's general election got up to full speed this week, as the media pressed the accelerator of information and the political parties took the steering wheel of policy. The Conservatives revealed their new weapon - a big red bus with not just on...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Loses Track of What His Other Hand Is Doing

Nashville Man Loses Track of What His Other Hand Is Doing

Last week, 34-year-old Ben Higgins of Nashville, Tennessee, started to say, "But on the other hand," only to realize that he had no idea how to finish the sentence. "My left hand didn't know what my right one was doing," said Higgins. "Total clust...

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Funny story: The Queens New Clothes

The Queens New Clothes

The Queen's official dresser has confirmed that she will be going “fur free” this winter. The Queen’s official ottoman and cupboard were unavailable for comment. Animal rights groups have applauded the Queen's decision, and hope it will be a step...

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Funny story: Children In Need 2019 Final Totals In

Children In Need 2019 Final Totals In

Children In Need, the annual nationwide event to raise cash for needy children, surpassed all previous records last night, when more than £47million was collected throughout Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Promoted by a five-hour telethon feat...

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Funny story: The Ultimate Male Dating Profile

The Ultimate Male Dating Profile

Dating is never an easy thing. A lot of men have self-confidence issues when it comes to putting themselves out there in order to find a really attractive female. You have to believe in yourself, and put on your absolute best, but you also do not w...

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Funny story: Man Oozes Confidence After Putting Cardboard Box On Head

Man Oozes Confidence After Putting Cardboard Box On Head

A man who, for as long as he can remember, has been shy when in the company of people he doesn't know, has suddenly unearthed a rich seam of confidence, by walking around with a cardboard box on his head. The man, Eric Stibbles, from Maidstone in...

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Funny story: Man Dies After Walking Under Ladder

Man Dies After Walking Under Ladder

A New York man who was described by those who knew him as "extremely superstitious", is dead tonight, after he inadvertently walked under a ladder. Frank Ouija, 87, died in hospital on Saturday after a long and painful battle with illness, but tol...

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Funny story: Parrotman Has Started To Squawk Like A Parrot

Parrotman Has Started To Squawk Like A Parrot

A man who, over a period of several years, underwent 'extreme body modification' in order to physically resemble his parrots, has now started to squawk like one. Ted Richards of Hartcliffe in Bristol, who subsequently changed his name to Ted Parro...

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Funny story: Democrats Approve Stalinist Show Trial for Impeachment

Democrats Approve Stalinist Show Trial for Impeachment

WASHINGTON DC - The leaders of the Democrat Party voted to formalize the removal of President Donald Trump through the Secret Hearings held by Adam Schiff (D-NY), using Anonymous CIA "Whistle-Blowers." Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) prais...

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Funny story: Extremely Intelligent High School Principal Calmly Assures Locals That American Education System Is Not Centrally Focused On Sports

Extremely Intelligent High School Principal Calmly Assures Locals That American Education System Is Not Centrally Focused On Sports

La Crosse, Wisconsin. In response to growing concerns from local community members that the United States Education System may actually be more focused on sports rather than the intellectual growth and development of young students, Loran High Schoo...

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Funny story: Consumer Reports 2019 Road Rage Survey

Consumer Reports 2019 Road Rage Survey

NEW YORK--According to Consumer Reports 2019 Road Rage Survey, the most likely road rage perpetrator this year was a male between thirty-five and fifty driving a blue, late-model BMW on a Tuesday afternoon at roughly 5:45. This is the second year in...

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Funny story: Popeye's Killer Chicken Sandwich

Popeye's Killer Chicken Sandwich

An Oxon Hill, Maryland man was killed yesterday in a dispute over a Popeye’s newly-released chicken sandwich, a deep-fried and batter-coated concoction so addictive to fast-food enthusiasts, that customers are literally willing to kill for it. Ac...

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Funny story: Scientists discover rare 70s pervert DNA

Scientists discover rare 70s pervert DNA

In the dried-up crusty lining of an old New York theatre seat, scientists have discovered a mosquito perfectly preserved in a globule of petrified spunk. Incredibly, the mosquito had bitten a pervert in the cinema, and scientists were able to extract...

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