Eastender character embarrassed on the bus

Written by Ben Macnair

Sunday, 3 November 2019

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You will watch it, and you will enjoy it.

Claude Whathisname, a character actor on Eastenders, was shocked to realise that he had had torrid affairs with four passengers, three failed businesses involving eight of them, owed money to another four, and had seen another passenger at the GUM clinic the week before.

'Honestly, I didn't know where to look,' said Claude. 'It was difficult to make eye contact with my former lovers, regardless of how fleeting our involvement was, the ones who blamed me for the failure of our joint ventures, and the ones I owed money to. That was just ridiculous.'

Another passenger said: 'I saw Claude on the bus. I didn't want to say anything to him, but he just stared at the floor during the whole trip, and I thought that that afternoon in the Hotel above Dot's Laundromat had meant as much to him as it had meant to me.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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