VAR Controversy As Ref Discovered To Be Blind In One Eye

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 3 November 2019

image for VAR Controversy As Ref Discovered To Be Blind In One Eye
Squint's wife looking at something

There was more VAR controversy last night, when it was discovered that a referee being used at Stockley Park for one of the Premier League's top matches on Saturday, was blind in one eye.

Bert Squint, who was a linesman for the 1975 FA Cup final between West Ham and Fulham, is one of the most experienced and well-respected officials in the game, and that probably tells you everything you need to know about VAR.

He was scheduled to video-officiate on the game at Dean Court between Bournemouth and Manchester United, but arrived five minutes late, because he just couldn't find his keys!

He found them eventually. They were in the door, if he is to be believed.

What should be the best and fairest form of assistance any referee could want in order to make his job a more even-handed one, has turned out to be a complete disaster.

The latest scandal broke when Squint, now 82, made a routine visit to his optician in Bath last week, and was found to be blind in the left eye, with a 50% impairment in the right. Squint had arrived in a taxi, having given up driving several years ago, fearing an accident.

He was accompanied by a Labrador.

Stockley Park say they are investigating, and will announce their findings on the electronic scoreboards once a decision has been made.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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