Pizza Express In Woking Have Never Heard Of Prince Andrew

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 18 November 2019

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There are a few things wrong with this story

The manager of the Woking branch of Pizza Express, where Prince Andrew says he spent time with his daughter Beatrice on the day American woman Virginia Roberts claims he was raping her, has said he has never heard of the Royal.

Branch manager, Gilbert Epstein, says that he has worked at Pizza Express since 2008, and not once has he heard the name 'Prince Andrew' or the 'Duke of York', or had to deal with masses of security and bodyguard-type people during his tenure there.

He doesn't know why the Prince would make up such a fantastic story.

The BBC's Emily Maitlis turned up last night to question Mr Epstein, and asked him if the Prince had ever been into his shop for a pizza. Epstein replied:

"Look, absolutely not. Even if he has, I don't remember it. I've wracked my brains, and I can't remember ever having had a Royal in here with his highly-strung offspring, and dozens of security guards busting into the shop, and hustling all the other customers out into the street. I think I would have recalled that!"

Prince Andrew's daughter, Beatrice has said she has a medical condition which prevents her eating pizza.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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