In Orpington, retired multi-millionaire, Colin Powell Montgomery Ablitt Smyth the third, has just opened a Spirograph bistro.
Following on from the news that Kevin Wilkes, a 24-year-old hipster from Chutney-on-the-Fritz has opened an etch-a-sketch-themed cafe, it seems that this is a great time to be alive.
Colin told us 'Due to not paying taxes for years, due to the Conservatives, I had millions to pump into this load of c****, and it will be a tax write-off as well, so really, I won't be losing money on it. My dad would be so proud of me, and it would serve him right for calling me Colin, the name of Tory-voting sociopaths.'
The news will have no impact anywhere else. Just a man trying to make another man proud.