Pacific Gas & Electric plans shutdown of power to entire state of California

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 8 November 2019

image for Pacific Gas & Electric plans shutdown of power to entire state of California
Gas masks will be available at reasonable prices in case of problems with gas lines

Due to the latest outbreak of fire caused by its own faulty transmission wires, PG&E has said it simply can’t afford too many more homeless bringing lawsuits against the company.

Once again, as with the recent horrific Kincaid fire in Northern California, homes and other structures have been burned, putting people into their vehicles and onto the streets.

They join others who have been living in their vehicles for the past two years, again from faulty PG&E equipment causing fires.

Any casual observer traveling the highways notices wires strung up on slender wooden poles, some leaning, some pecked through by woodpeckers.

Poles are sometimes known to burst into flames from malfunctioning high power lines strung across them.

However, there is a readily-applied answer to all this.

The power in Northern California recently was shut down for five days on two occasions.

This handy dandy answer led on to conditions approaching chaos as landlines failed in remote areas where cell phones don’t work, supermarkets had to throw away tons of food, and gas stations assumed wait-lines of two hours.

However, an even more dramatic and efficacious solution is now being considered.

With a total shutdown of power throughout California, the problem of faulty equipment and deteriorated infrastructure is ameliorated.

Having much less to do under conditions of no power, Californians can turn in massive numbers to cleaning up the environment, especially in Northern California forests.

Some investment in tools, tents, barbecues, and sleeping bags can put millions in the state to work on the problem, particularly helpful to homeless people.

Further, with concentration on this matter of basic survival similar to past centuries of darkness, candle, and kerosene lantern, Californians will have little time left for politics.

Thus, any hint of “radical, Putin-favoring sentiments” and such madness as "emissions reduction in vehicles" will no longer be important.

Additionally, giving infrastructure workers weapons will allow them to hunt for their own evening meals, instead of relying on scrounging through garbage cans here and there.

All in all, PG&E feels that this positive approach to fire season will certainly lessen the possibility of devastating fires and deaths from PG&E equipment.

Investors and banks can remain assured PG&E may continue in some fashion to serve them and not just the community, and the company will be in a better financial situation overall.

California residents will surely benefit by toughening up to deal with rolling blackouts, and a return to conditions of earlier centuries.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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