Manchester United Unveil New Festive Kit

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 7 November 2019

image for Manchester United Unveil New Festive Kit
The festive kit 'away' strip to be worn at the Emirates on January 1

Premier League strugglers, Manchester United, have revealed details of their new special festive edition strip, which, it's hoped, will produce enough sales to swell their coffers sufficiently to buy some more new players.

The kit, which has more than a passing resemblance to a Santa Claus outfit, was designed by the former Factory Records impressario, Peter Saville.

United season ticket holders who can prove that they have attended Old Trafford without a break since at least 1970, can purchase the kit for the exclusive promotion price of £109.99 until the end of December, after which the cost will be £114.99.

Initial reaction from supporters was supportive. One fan said:

"I fully support the cynical nature with which the club attempts to bleed its loyal and hardworking fans dry. I, for one, will be buying a Santa suit. I mean, the new kit."

Another, who, ironically, was wearing the infamous 'grey shirt', said:

"I've bought every United shirt since 1965. I'm not going to stop now, even though I've had to take loans out in the past to buy them."

United say the will play all their games over the festive period in the new kit, including the matches against Watford, Newcastle United and Burnley in December.

For the crunch match at the Emirates against Arsenal on 1 January, the team will wear a blue version of the same kit.

The reactions of other teams' supporters have been fairly consistent, with one fan from West Yorkshire commenting:

"They've always been Christmas trees. Now they've gone the whole hog."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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