Breaking: Hero Dog Conan, key assistant in tracking down and eliminating Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, reported in to a White House psychiatrist late this afternoon.
Conan has been honored by the president for outstanding bravery in the field of running down terrorists.
This combat dog has received glowing affection from Mr. Trump.
However, when a CNN reporter discovered that Conan is female, not male, “good boy” and such could no longer be used within the dog’s earshot.
Then, in a disturbing development, Conan began to show slight alterations in (his?) bearing, and a noticeable drop on the ferocity meter overall.
Clearly, the canine was somehow affected, possibly from (its) three course meal preceding the news op coming right up in The Oval Office with the POTUS.
Not clear, also, is Conan’s reply to a CNN reporter asking (him?) about the firing of Secretary of the Navy, Richard Spencer.
Spencer disagreed with the president over the president’s pardoning several personnel.
Clearly Conan was uncomfortable with this matter.
(He or she) yawned and thumped (factually, it’s her) tail, but refused to be nailed down on who is more out of line in this situation.
CNN emblazoned on its screen reminders from Mr. Nixon, who saw himself as no mere mortal:
“The president can do nothing illegal. And nothing inappropriate, either.”
“No comment,” Conan said.
It was only THEN that perceptible shifts in the demeanor of this beloved patriot hound became visible.
Now it is known Conan was enquiring about transgender surgery.
From that to considering the name “Constance,” and this was being bruited around The Oval Office with approval.
Nevertheless, clearly, this beloved animal is entering trauma and crisis.
It will have the finest care at military hospitals in the area.
