Pizza Express CCTV Security Tapes Have Been Stolen

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 18 November 2019

image for Pizza Express CCTV Security Tapes Have Been Stolen
The tapes are no longer where they should be

CCTV security tapes containing footage which could have proved crucial in ascertaining whether or not Prince Andrew visited the Woking branch of Pizza Express on 10 March 2001, have been stolen, says the shop's manager.

The Prince faces accusations that he had sex with a then-17-year-old American girl, Virginia Roberts, but says he vividly remembers buying pizza for his daughter Beatrice that day, and could not, therefore, have been up to no good with Roberts.

The CCTV videotape footage would, therefore, have gone a long way to proving Andrew's innocence if he could have been shown buying pizza.

On the other hand, if he had not been seen to be buying pizza, this may have made him look like a liar.

Pizza Express manager for the Woking branch, Gilbert Epstein, said:

"It's a real shame those tapes have been stolen. They could have held the key to this mystery. Pizza anyone?"

In a later statement, Mr Epstein told police that he had no recollection of having served any members of the Royal family on that day, although he does recall one man who was impatient, condescending, obnoxious, and a full-on wanker, which might possibly have been the Duke.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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