Prostitutes in Switzerland initiate global protest against robotic sex dolls

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 15 November 2019

image for Prostitutes in Switzerland initiate global protest against robotic sex dolls
Robo doll Stephanie Mattrix insists that sex robots replacing humans is like electricity replacing candles

In matters of the world’s oldest profession, prostitutes in Lucerne, Switzerland, are protesting over competition from sex robots.

Robot dolls in Lucerne can be had at half the price, with a survey of 9,000 males in the area claiming that sex with a robot is “better” and money can be saved.

In Lucerne's prostitution community, some adjustments have been attempted toward the full price, previously, of a human prostitute.

For example, robot plus human female "assistant" runs at 1.75 of the cost previously of just the human.

Sex robots are now so sophisticated they not only look beautiful but can imitate human intercourse by appropriately placed “shouts” and other encouragement during proceedings.

A dial can be set to just the right tone of huskiness in “darling” emerging from one of these automated creatures.

Sex with prostitutes is legal in Switzerland, so businesses can thrive in suitable districts where they can be displayed in shop windows.

Unfortunately for real prostitutes, the robot substitutes are also venturing out of their windows onto the street.

Some have built-in come-hither techniques, including illuminating plates on their torsos that flash: “I’m cheaper.”

Males are also reported generally more satisfied. A bevy of testimonials:

“These robots seem more honest, and never bored.”

“I like not having to have a conversation of any kind.”

“Look, I don’t have time to mess around, and these babes get right down to it.”

Mr. Bezos of Amazon is reported interested in a global delivery system wherein these automatic lovers can be brought right to the home and blown up at one’s leisure.

Real, live prostitutes in Lucerne, however, will approach the UN on this matter, in an appeal to protect their employment against “an invasive horde of phony females.”

Their message includes: “Workers of the world unite! Robots are increasingly taking over employment in general! Is this what we want? People need to work to be happy!”

But representatives of Robot Sex Doll Workers will not take this assault on their prowess lying down.

Stephanie Mattrix, of a particular brand of sex robot doll renowned for “active play,” has stated:

“Our human competitors ought to get off their lazy buttocks and get a real job. And who can resist a superior product? We are the Rolls Royce of the profession!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more