"The Chantix Turkey is Smoking!"

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Friday, 29 November 2019

image for "The Chantix Turkey is Smoking!"
The desired, but not ultimate, result

The White House, Washington D. C. After Donald Trump refused to pardon the Chantix turkey - the name they gave to the fowl presented this year to the White House - and condemned the popular bird to the president's own oven on Thanksgiving Day, things went even wronger.

While Trump was entertaining the troops in Afghanistan, Melanie proceeded to prepare the fowl for a turkey day dinner. Unaccustomed as she is regarding roasting turkeys, and aware that poultry had to be thoroughly cooked, she turned the oven to an extremely high temperature.

"We certainly don't want this guy to come out of the oven cold turkey," she told her family. Her daughter-in-law offered this advice: "Don't hurry it. Slow turkey ought to be right for the Chantix breed."

Despite that warning, Melania turned the dial way up high. Her family wouldn't have to worry about salmonella or other stuff. With the dinner safely in the oven, the Trumps adjourned to watch the Bears and Lions play the early NFL game. Until a shout came from the kitchen!

"The Chantix Turkey is smoking! The Chantix Turkey is smoking!"

Sure enough, black smoke poured out of the oven when the door was opened. The heating dial had been set too high, and the bird was burning. Nothing could be salvaged.

The moral of this story? Chantix has it right! A slow turkey doesn't smoke!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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