Boris Johnson - the disabled man who doesn't need your handouts

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Thursday, 21 November 2019

image for Boris Johnson - the disabled man who doesn't need your handouts
Boris - has to file down his nose daily

It is perhaps the most unusual election strategy of recent years. Conservative spin-sters are beginning to spread a tale of Boris Johnson as a cripple, a man who suffers from excruciating mythomania, yet who, despite his problems, doesn't try to claim benefits, because he earns truckloads of dosh from his bosses at the Daily Telegraph.

"It is true," said Tory spokesman, Tory Webb. "He can't help lying; it is a disease. Whether it's denying that there will be a barrier between the UK and Northern Ireland in his Brexit deal, or claiming that Brexit will be done by the end of January, Boris can't help talking shit. But we shouldn't attack him for that, we should feel sympathy."

She continued, "Here is a brave disabled man who can't tell the difference between building 40 hospitals or upgrading 6, who is able to perform a difficult job such as Prime Minister by himself with very little help. He only has a few aides and carers, and is largely self-sufficient. Despite his crippling compulsive lying, he is able to hold down a full-time job where his disability actually becomes an advantage."

"If you support the disabled, support Boris."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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