Prince Andrew denies frequenting monkey prostitutes

Sunday, 17 November 2019

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Chimp whores are illegal in most countries

In a shack in the remote jungles of Vietnam, a menu gives a hint to what is for sale inside. "Coco Kisses, 3 Dong," it says.

The owner is eighty years old, and doesn't speak a word of English, but through a translator, he says that Prince Andrew frequents this establishment and has paid him personally for sex with monkeys.

It is not the first time the deviant royal has been accused of bestiality. In 2012, a close associate started up the company Chimpanties to provide luxury lingerie for monkeys and apes. Prince Andrew was widely known to be the main investor behind that organisation, which went bankrupt two years later.

Although Andrew has never been photographed touching a monkey, there are plenty of eyewitnesses to his crimes. One pervert, currently dying in a Cambodian prison, swears that he saw the prince paying for a female silverback gorilla - the most expensive ape hooker in the world. He took the great beast behind a curtain, and when he came back he was spitting up furballs.

In a recent interview with the BBC, Prince Andrew denied the rumours, saying that it couldn't have happened "because he has no penis". He added that even if he did have sex with the apes, it wouldn't count as bestiality because there was "no ball contact".

Police continue their investigations.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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