Harry Maguire To Preside Over Manchester United Christmas Service

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 9 November 2019

image for Harry Maguire To Preside Over Manchester United Christmas Service
Maguire is worth £80million

Manchester United have announced full details of their Christmas and New Year celebrations, with the highlight being the MUFC Christmas Service to be held outside Old Trafford on Sunday, 22 December, and which will be presided over by central defender superstar, Harry Maguire.

The United and England central defender will give readings from the Bible, verbally recreate the nativity scene, recite a number of psalms, and give a lesson on Christian goodness, before ending with the traditional Christmas carol singing.

In his youth, Maguire expressed an interest in going into the clergy, but, according to his father:

"Ah toldim - dote be s'daft. The's no future in't chu'ch. Get thesen inta football. That's weer cash is, lad!"

The rest was history. Harry went on to play for Sheffield United, Hull City and Leicester City, before making his big money £80million move to Old Trafford in the summer, making him the most expensive defender in football at the moment.

He still 'keeps his hand in' with God, however, and says he may still make the switch to the priesthood when his footballing days are over.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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