Man Given Emergency CPR After Swallowing Tory Bullshit

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 30 November 2019

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Did I say Hunslet? I meant Houston. Sorry about that lie.

A man was recovering in hospital this morning having spent a night under observation, after becoming ill when he got just a little too close to Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who was making a speech on his campaign trail.

David Syclops, from Hunslet, was out minding his own business, when he turned a corner in the Leeds city centre, and came upon a large crowd of people heckling the PM.

"NHS this, Police that, Education this, Immigration that," said Mr. Johnson, who then added, "Brexit - let's get it done!"

As Mr. Syclops listened, he began to feel queasy. The PM went on:

"We're the party of the people blah, we want to take back control blah blah, don't trust Corbyn blah blah blah..."

Mr. Syclops was transfixed by Mr. Johnson's words, and felt as if he couldn't look away. Suddenly, he slumped to the ground, and an emergency medical team, on standby for just such an incident, came to the rescue.

The patient said his throat felt as if it were blocked, and that he was absolutely "choking on the bullshit".

One of the medics, Alan Stretcher, said:

"We're seeing a lot of this. It's to be expected. People can only swallow so much of this kind of bullshit . There's a limit to everything - even Tory lies."

Mr. Syclops is hoping to stay in the hospital until after the General Election, so that he can avoid falling victim to the same kind of bullshit all over again.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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