Nashville Man Successfully Operates on Fewer than All Cylinders

Written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 23 November 2019

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Eco-conscious Hal Bailey feels good about his reductionist lifestyle and aims to apply it to his alcohol intake.

A big proponent of energy conservation, Hal Bailey, of Nashville, Tennessee, got the chance to put his eco-friendly values into practice, when he successfully operated on fewer than all cylinders after a night of heavy partying.

"I got sloppy wasted," said Bailey. "I forget the reason - someone's anniversary or something? But the next day, I was definitely not running on all cylinders. One or two at best, I'd guestimate."

Bailey emphasized that getting that drunk is not something he does often - or at least not something he aims to do often. "I'm working on it. But in the meantime, it's good to know I can manage on less than full capacity."

He noted, too, that with the looming environmental crisis, major lifestyle changes are most certainly going to be required in times to come. "I'm kind of getting a leg up on that now."

Bailey feels good about his reductionist mentality, and added that he aims to apply it more consistently to his alcohol intake. "One step at a time. We're all in this together."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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