There were 257 spoof news stories published in November 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Mauricio Pochettino Seen Circling Emirates
Mauricio Pochettino, the former Tottenham Hotspur manager, who, earlier in the week had been spotted in various locations around Manchester, was last night seen lurking around the Emirates Stadium before, during and after Arsenal's 2-1 Europa League...
Read full storyMauricio Pochettino Seen At Manchester Piccadilly
Mauricio Pochettino, the former Tottenham Hotspur manager, who was sacked by the north London club earlier this week, looks like he may be about to become the new Manchester United boss, after he was seen alighting from a train at Piccadilly Station...
Read full storyWest Brom Fans Disrespectful To Fallen War Heroes
Remembrance Day is the day when those who perished in battle are honoured with a celebration of their bravery, and recognition of the price they paid for our freedom. We should observe it, each in our own way, but, ideally, not in the way some sectio...
Read full storyNational Kick the Cat Day, Why Cats Hate It
WEST CHESTER, PA--Although we celebrate National Kick the Cat Day, we do not advocate kicking cats literally; and we hasten to assure you that no cats were harmed during the writing of this monograph. We celebrate, instead, the existential notion of...
Read full storyTop 10 Reasons Cats Aren't Mentioned in the Bible
Two things are certain about the bible: animals were harmed during its production, and cats are not mentioned anywhere in it. If you care to, you can find calves and camels, canker worms and cattle, cocks and colts, crickets and crocodiles, but no ca...
Read full storyMauricio Pochettino And José Mourinho To 'Same Sex' Dance On Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Show
As the furore surrounding 'same sex' couples in this year's 'Strictly Come Dancing' rumbles on unabated, the BBC has announced that new Tottenham Hotspur manager, José Mourinho, will 'team up' with his predecessor, Mauricio Pochettino, in the show's...
Read full storyNashville Man Prefers Waiting for Low-Hanging Fruit to Fall to Ground
A big proponent of energy conservation, Leon Mills of Nashville, Tennessee, prefers not to pick low-hanging fruit but instead to wait for it to fall to the ground. "It's riper that way, too," said Mills, who noted that biting into a less-than-ripe...
Read full storyMan who couldn't turn a profit in a casino still President of the United States
There was consternation in Washington, that failed casino owner Donald Trump is still the President of the United States. 'It all started as a joke,' said Republican support Norris Morris, 'but then it got more serious, when he ran, and then won,...
Read full storyOwen Wilson Celebrity Horoscope
Born today, you are the sort who doesn't get your nose out of joint easily. You are cheerfully willing to accept whatever life sends your way, whether it's an also-ran finish in the sexiest-person-in-the-office contest or an also-ran finish to Matthe...
Read full storyIntroducing the World's First Horoscope for Cats
Unlike other astrologers, who rely on the mundane, the analog, and the antiquated to arrive at their “predictions,” Catmando boldly goes where no members of the cosmological fraternity dare to venture, predicting the future almost before it happens a...
Read full storyProstitutes in Switzerland initiate global protest against robotic sex dolls
In matters of the world’s oldest profession, prostitutes in Lucerne, Switzerland, are protesting over competition from sex robots. Robot dolls in Lucerne can be had at half the price, with a survey of 9,000 males in the area claiming that sex with...
Read full storyCorbyn under further fire over Antisemitism
Labour's election campaign has once again been derailed by highly-credible claims of antisemitism, aimed at leader Jeremy Corbyn. Following on from the intervention of the Chief Rabbi, coincidentally after the party's manifesto said it would stop...
Read full storyMauricio Pochettino Seen Heading For Manchester City
Earlier reports that former Tottenham Hotspur manager Mauricio Pochettino was seen getting off a train at Piccadilly Station in Manchester, and heading for Old Trafford in connection with the Manchester United manager's job, may have been premature,...
Read full storyNashville Realtor Finds Online Dating More of a Seller's Market
Single for over three years, real estate agent Mike Fordham of Nashville, Tennessee, dipped his toe into the world of online dating, only to find it to be more of a seller's market. "What these women are asking is out of control," sad Fordham. "I'...
Read full storyHouse of Pain to University of Wisconsin Football Team: Grow up!
The University of Wisconsin football program has been formally sued by the band House of Pain for using their song 'Jump Around', without properly obtaining permission or paying royalties. "We heard a story after the Ohio State game, that the Wisc...
Read full storyMars Rover determines that Mars is FLAT!
NASA has released its newest data from the Mars Rover that proves that Mars is not a globe-shaped planet as thought by casual observers. The Rover has just sent back all its recorded data from a simple plumb bob level detector that is onboard. This d...
Read full storyRay Winstone Lands EastEnders Part
Ray Winstone, the star of the cult 1979 movie, 'Scum', and 2000's 'Sexy Beast', is to make a guest star appearance in the upcoming Christmas edition of BBC soap, EastEnders, it has been revealed. He will then become a full member of the cast. Wins...
Read full storyA Squirrel Story That Will Grab You By The Nuts
BILLINGSGATE POST: This is a story that will grab you by the nuts. Everyone has their favorite squirrel story. It is said that there are 10 million squirrel stories in the Naked City. This is but one: This all took place in Beaver Crossing, Neb...
Read full storyButterfly Wings Found, Without Host
A man has revealed how a chance 'gander' at what the city looked like from his hotel balcony last weekend, led to him discovering some butterfly wings which had been sepearted from their owner, who was then nowhere to be found. The four wings, whi...
Read full storyMan Finds Giant Seashells In His Back Garden
A man has revealed how, during a casual walk around his back garden at the weekend, he discovered a quantity of giant seashells - even though his home is more than 150 miles from the nearest coastline! The seashells, which were thought to be giant...
Read full storyMan Given Emergency CPR After Swallowing Tory Bullshit
A man was recovering in hospital this morning having spent a night under observation, after becoming ill when he got just a little too close to Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who was making a speech on his campaign trail. David Syclops, from Hunsl...
Read full storyScientists discover rare 70s pervert DNA
In the dried-up crusty lining of an old New York theatre seat, scientists have discovered a mosquito perfectly preserved in a globule of petrified spunk. Incredibly, the mosquito had bitten a pervert in the cinema, and scientists were able to extract...
Read full story"Surprise Meat" Latest in Healthier Animal Products Market
Recognizing that cows, chickens, pigs, and other farmed animals are flooded with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline in the moments of anticipation prior to their brutal slaughterhouse death, making their flesh that much unhealthier for huma...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com To End Its Association With Prince Andrew
In the last few minutes, it's been revealed that, due to the ongoing furore with regard to some rather potentially damaging underage sex allegations, the satirical news website TheSpoof.com has decided to drop all its current associations with the ar...
Read full storyMan Is Sick And Tired Of Seeing The Same Advert
A man has complained about what he says is a systematic attempt to make him buy stuff, after he was repeatedly exposed to a particular advertizement whilst using the internet this very morning. The man, Moys Kenwood, 56, told of how, throughout hi...
Read full storyPringle not looking forward to going into someone's stomach
Pringle, Gary Johnson, who is currently in a tube at Chutney on the Fritz's branch of Tesco, (other shopping emporia are available, guys and girls), has revealed that he is not looking forward to his visit to a stranger's stomach. 'I know that it...
Read full storyNational Bogus Handicapped Parking Sticker Day Is Here
WILMINGTON, De.—What better way to observe National Bogus Handicapped Parking Sticker Day than by having lunch at a Tony restaurant with a confirmed handicapped-parking-sticker cheat? We'll call him Ralph. He is one of a notorious breed of white-col...
Read full storyInventor Of Battery Packs with Itty Bitty Screws Holding Them Shut Hiding In Afghanistan Cave
Cai Zeng, the inventor of those little double "A" and triple "A" battery packs, held shut with eyeglass-sized screws, fled his home in Szechuan, China, fearing for his life, due to worldwide frustration with his invention. His invention? The "scr...
Read full storyDion Waiters Latest NBA Player to OD on Gummy Bears
Miami Heat guard, Dion Waiters, is the latest NBA player to run afoul of THC-infused gummy bears. On his team's flight from Phoenix to Los Angeles on Thursday. Waiters, 27, suffered a raging panic attack after he had "overdosed" on THC-infused gummy...
Read full storySurgeon General Warns about Secondhand Gas
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Secondhand gas dramatically increases the risk of acute nausea, insult to the nasal lining, asthma attacks, and even asphyxiation, this according to U.S. Surgeon General Vice Admiral Jerome Adams. In a sobering report issued November...
Read full storyGreta Thunberg To Host Return Of The Weakest Link
After a break from viewers' television screens of exactly two years, the quiz show, 'The Weakest Link', is to make a comeback, with Swedish environmental activist Greta Thunberg acting as the host. The show, involving 16 team members, revolves aro...
Read full storyGreta Thunberg Nominated For Several Awards
Greta Thunberg, the Swedish environmental campaign activist schoolgirl who has taken the world by storm by staring gloweringly into the faces of polluters and their stooges, has been nominated for several prodigious awards in relation to her 'work'.
Read full storySpace Junk A Threat To Spacial Warming
Junk that is floating around in space could become a major contributor to Spacial Warming, it has been disclosed, and legal action against NASA is being considered. NASA could be prosecuted for what is often known as 'fly-tipping', a practice wher...
Read full storyFaf de Klerk's Wikipedia Page Describes Him As A "Bit Of A Bellend"
World Cup-winning South Africa scrum-half, Faf de Klerk, hit the news on Sunday evening after greeting Prince Harry in the victors' dressing-room clad only in his underpants, but the tiny Springbok has made headlines again today, as his Wikipedia pag…
Read full storyPizza Express In Woking Have Never Heard Of Prince Andrew
The manager of the Woking branch of Pizza Express, where Prince Andrew says he spent time with his daughter Beatrice on the day American woman Virginia Roberts claims he was raping her, has said he has never heard of the Royal. Branch manager, Gil...
Read full storyMillions Of Flying Insects Invade Man's Property
A man has told how his home was invaded by "millions" of flying insects that arrived shortly after dark, and buzzed obsessively around a light for hours. The scene at the home of Englishman, Moys Kenwood, was "like something out of a horror movie"...
Read full storyManchester United Unveil New Festive Kit
Premier League strugglers, Manchester United, have revealed details of their new special festive edition strip, which, it's hoped, will produce enough sales to swell their coffers sufficiently to buy some more new players. The kit, which has more...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Preside Over Manchester United Christmas Service
Manchester United have announced full details of their Christmas and New Year celebrations, with the highlight being the MUFC Christmas Service to be held outside Old Trafford on Sunday, 22 December, and which will be presided over by central defende...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Switch On Manchester Christmas Lights
There was good news for the shopping public of Manchester today, when it was announced that Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender, would be appearing 'in person' in the city centre on Thursday, 14 November, to switch the city's Christ...
Read full storySpirograph Bistro Opens
In Orpington, retired multi-millionaire, Colin Powell Montgomery Ablitt Smyth the third, has just opened a Spirograph bistro. Following on from the news that Kevin Wilkes, a 24-year-old hipster from Chutney-on-the-Fritz has opened an etch-a-sketch...
Read full storyManchester City Star Bernardo Silva To Be Brainwashed
After the Football Association announced that they had fined Manchester City striker Bernardo Silva £50,000 and banned him for one match for a 'potentially-racist' tweet he sent to Benjamin Mendy, the club's hierarchy have said that, in order to avoi...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Has A Shit
In a huge coincidence some exponents of Cockney rhyming slang will find it somewhat difficult to believe, Hollywood film star, Brad Pitt has had a shit. Pitt, 45, has long had his name used in association with the act of defecation, as in: "She...
Read full storyRainbow Christmas Crackers
Scientists in Mozambique were lauded recently for discovering - and studying - a rarely used "assault recovery" technique used by a little known tribe called "Waheen Mojab Indayka", or "I got stabbed in the face for Staring" people. Attendees at t...
Read full storyGreta Thunberg To Host QI
There was good news for fans of TV comedy quiz show QI today, when it was revealed that Swedish schoolgirl environmental activist and campaigner Greta Thunberg would be taking over the running of things from next month. Thunberg ousts another Scan...
Read full storyBoris Johnson - the disabled man who doesn't need your handouts
It is perhaps the most unusual election strategy of recent years. Conservative spin-sters are beginning to spread a tale of Boris Johnson as a cripple, a man who suffers from excruciating mythomania, yet who, despite his problems, doesn't try to clai...
Read full storyPrince Andrew in new, one-armed bandit row
Prince Andrew has claimed that photos of him cuddling various women may have been doctored because, as far as he can remember, he lost an arm in the Falklands War. The Prince said that he leads a very busy life, and, therefore, cannot keep track o...
Read full storyGovernment Climate Committee Agrees that Desperate Times Call for Discussion of Some Possible Measures
After some debate, a government action committee formed to address the ever-worsening climate crisis reached a consensus that these desperate environmental times call for discussion of taking some possible measures. “It’s too early to tell precise...
Read full storyFirst Genetically Engineered Cat Girl Licks Harry Maguire’s Balls
BILLINGSGATE POST: Shockwaves reverberated throughout the febrile English football world as the first genetically engineered cat girl broke ranks with tradition, and licked Manchester United defenseman Harry Maguire’s balls as he went onto the field...
Read full storyVAR Controversy As Ref Discovered To Be Blind In One Eye
There was more VAR controversy last night, when it was discovered that a referee being used at Stockley Park for one of the Premier League's top matches on Saturday, was blind in one eye. Bert Squint, who was a linesman for the 1975 FA Cup final b...
Read full storyThe Man's Guide To Surviving A Stent Removal
Did you know that if you have kidney surgery, the doctor will place an internal drainage tube called a stent in your ureter? Did you know that 6 weeks after the surgery, the doctor has to pull the stent out through your penis hole while you’re fully...
Read full storyGreta Thunberg To Make Debut As A Chaser In 'The Chase'
It's been confirmed, this morning, that Greta Thunberg, the steely-eyed environmental activist who knows more than any other 16-year-old kid on Planet Earth, is to make her broadcasting debut as a Chaser on ITV's teatime quiz show, 'The Chase', hoste...
Read full storyTwo Flies Put To Death At Breakfast
A man has revealed how, minding his own business eating his breakfast this morning, he became aware of two houseflies that had landed on the rim of his plate, and were indulging in a bit of 'the old in-out'. Moys Kenwood, 56, had finished his Corn...
Read full storyLAX to Ban All Cars Under "Trikes Only" Policy
Los Angeles, CA. Plagued by perpetual auto gridlock on both the arrival and departure levels, Los Angeles International Airport today announced that all motorized vehicles would be banned from the roads in front of the terminals. Passengers arriving...
Read full storyPrince Andrew To Meet Virginia Face-To-Face To See If She Can Jog His Memory
Prince Andrew, the man who admitted he had wracked his brains to see if he could remember raping an underage American girl when she was just 17, is to meet the girl again, face-to-face, to see if she can 'jog his memory'. The Prince, also known as...
Read full storyPrince Andrew to Enter The Jungle as I’m A Celeb ‘Latecomer’
Following yesterday’s announcement that he will be withdrawing from all public duties, beleaguered royal, Prince Andrew, has been unveiled as one of the so-called, ‘Latecomers’ on the hit TV reality show, I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. The 5...
Read full storyFacebook Bans Prince Andrew
Facebook CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, has reacted to the ongoing furore over Prince Andrew and the allegations involving rape of an underaged girl back in 2001, by banning to Royal sex pest from the social media platform. Andrew, 59, is a Facebook regula...
Read full storyWhat Happened to David Wesley? Part 1
Dear Readers, My name is Hugh Diamond. I’m a big wave surfer and investigative journalist. David E. Wesley gave me his credentials to his account on The Spoof.com to share my story. In October 2012, when I read in a news article by Bill Searc...
Read full storyNashville Man Disappointed Satan Has Never Tried to Buy His Soul
"Not that I ever would," said Nate Bailey of Nashville, Tennessee, regarding the prospect of selling his soul to Satan, "but I'd kind of like to know what they're going for these days." Again emphasizing that doing a deal with the devil is not an...
Read full storyGareth Bale Has Curtailed His Spanish Lessons
Real Madrid's wantaway Welsh star, Gareth Bale, has revealed he has cancelled his Spanish lessons, saying that learning the language was just too big a task. Bale, 30, has been at Madrid for more than six years, but has only a rudimentary knowledg…
Read full storyHotel Prohibitions Were 'Slightly Odd'
A guest staying overnight at a hotel was astonished when, after having been shown into his room by a porter, he then had his attention drawn to a notice on the bathroom door, indicating the hotel's 'strictly prohibited' items. Moys Kenwood, 56, ha...
Read full storyPrince Andrew Has Decided To Go And Live On Pitcairn Island
Prince Andrew, the poor, beleaguered member of the Royal family who the media just won't leave alone after he indulged in 'a bit of the old in-out' with an underaged American girl in 2001, has decided that enough is enough, and that he will leave Lon...
Read full storyMan looking forward to hearing Coldplay's next album
Gary Johnson, a 48-year-old married man from Chutney on the Fritz, has claimed that his highlight for the year is the release of Coldplay's new album. The circular music carrier, with an obscure neo-intellectual name, is set to hit the record empo...
Read full storySex Scandal Rocks Christian Mingle Dating Site
WEST CHESTER, Pa. – The massively popular dating site Christian Mingle has been rocked by a sex scandal. "Threesomes, foursomes, pedophilia, bestiality, anal sex, cock-fingering, scat play, you name it and apparently 'God will provide it' through Chr...
Read full storyAre you excited about the Archer's Pantomime this year?
Hello, I am Brian Asshat, esquire of the parish of Chutney on The Fritz, protector of the English language, spotter of trains, and bell ringer, and I have just one question for you: Are you excited at the Archer's Pantomime this year? I am not...
Read full storyHipster sewing mittens together
Hipster Kevin Wilkes, a 24-year-old entrepreneur from Chutney on the Fritz, has hit upon a brilliant business plan. 'Yesterday,' said the hirsute business boffin, 'I saw two toddlers in the park, with their mittens hanging out of their coats, and...
Read full story"The Chantix Turkey is Smoking!"
The White House, Washington D. C. After Donald Trump refused to pardon the Chantix turkey - the name they gave to the fowl presented this year to the White House - and condemned the popular bird to the president's own oven on Thanksgiving Day, thing...
Read full storyPizza Express CCTV Security Tapes Have Been Stolen
CCTV security tapes containing footage which could have proved crucial in ascertaining whether or not Prince Andrew visited the Woking branch of Pizza Express on 10 March 2001, have been stolen, says the shop's manager. The Prince faces accusation...
Read full storyEngland Players Subjected To Barrage Of Friendliness In Kosovo
The England squad arrived in Pristina for their Euro 2020 fixture with Kosovo geared-up for a torrent of racist chanting and other unseemly behaviour, but were shocked even beyond their wildest dreams when the thousands of ruffians at the airport beg...
Read full storyNashville Man Looks Himself in Mirror and Loses Face
After ingesting a plate of overcooked veal parmesan at a corporate dinner event in a dimlit downtown steakhouse, Joshua Hicks of Nashville, Tennessee, glanced up at the mirrored wall to make sure he didn't have any tomato sauce on his white shirt, on...
Read full storyEngland In Bid To Score 10 Tomorrow Night Against Kosovo
There was confidence aplenty running through the England squad this morning, as they woke up early to prepare for their 'academic' Euro 2020 qualifying game against Kosovo in Pristina on Sunday. The corresponding fixture at The Dell, recently, end...
Read full storyStock Market Soars as House Moves Toward Impeachment
Wall Street, NYC. Special to The Spoof. At the stock market's opening, Friday morning, following a vote in the House of Representatives to open an impeachment inquiry, the Dow Jones Industrial Average rose instantly over 200 points, and neared an all...
Read full storyMan Has Bought New Car
Cars aren't everyone's cup of tea, but one man who has been a strong enthusiast of all kinds of vehicles for more than fifty years, has been 'in the market' recently, and ended up buying a beautiful new green pickup truck. Moys Kenwood, 56, says...
Read full storyNew Game Of Thrones Game 'Winter Is Coming' Proves Winter Is, Indeed, Coming
A new game based on the hugely-popular 'Game of Thrones' HBO TV series, is evidence enough, says one man who is an expert on the weather, that winter is fast approaching, and will soon be upon us. 'Winter Is Coming' is a spin-off online game that...
Read full storyWoman Becomes Personal Trainer Even Though She Has No Hands
A woman has astonished her tutors after enrolling on a course to become a Personal Trainer and passing it with flying colors just six months later - all without the benefit of hands! The woman, about whom very little is known, appears in an online...
Read full storyPacific Gas & Electric plans shutdown of power to entire state of California
Due to the latest outbreak of fire caused by its own faulty transmission wires, PG&E has said it simply can’t afford too many more homeless bringing lawsuits against the company. Once again, as with the recent horrific Kincaid fire in Northern...
Read full storyHousemartins Rename Iconic Album After Hull City's Midweek Win
The Housemartins, the now-defunct Hull pop band responsible for the iconic album 'London 0 Hull 4', have renamed - and will re-release - the disc from today, as a tribute to their heroes, Hull City. The Tigers were in action in midweek, against pr...
Read full storyGreta Thunberg Will Peddle Swan Boat Back Across Atlantic.
Somewhere in Northern Mexico - After sailing to New York City in August, Swedish climate activist, Greta Thunberg, has been slowly making her way to Chilé for more climate talks, by pumping an old-fashioned railroad handcar across North America. With...
Read full storyMan Considering Joining NRA
A man has revealed how, after being prompted to do so by an advertizement he saw on the internet, he is considering joining the NRA. The annual membership fee being charged is only $30, and is well within his budget. The only slight doubt in hi...
Read full storyPrince Edward Says Prince Andrew Has Been A Silly-Billy
After Prince Andrew had, with Her Majesty the Queen's permission, retired from public life earlier this week, his younger sibling, Prince Edward, added his voice to the mix, commenting that his brother had been: "a silly-billy brothersy-wothersy."...
Read full storyParanoid Man Now Unable To Watch Rugby Matches
A man who has suffered from paranoia for more than 50 years, has told friends how his condition has deteriorated recently so that he cannot bear to watch rugby, either live, or on the television. Gerald Fitzpatrick, 63, from East London, has been...
Read full storyHero dog Conan responds to CNN interview: “No comment”
Breaking: Hero Dog Conan, key assistant in tracking down and eliminating Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, reported in to a White House psychiatrist late this afternoon. Conan has been honored by the president for outstanding bravery in the field of running d...
Read full storyNational Premature Ejaculation Day, What You Need to Know
WEST CHESTER,PA—Good things come to those who wait and to those who can wait to come. Bad things, unfortunately, are the fate of the one in five men between the ages of eighteen and fifty-nine who suffer from the social scourge of premature ejaculati...
Read full storyMan Injures Cranium On Overhead Fan On Bus
A man boarding a bus in the Thai capital of Bangkok was hurt when, watching where he was putting his feet, he walked headfirst into an overhead fan hanging from the roof of the vehicle, causing annoyance. Moys Kenwood, then 52, was boarding a numb...
Read full storyEastEnders Mel Death Sparks Calls For Lorry Driver 'Extra' Investigation
After the tragic fictional death, on Thursday, of EastEnders star, Mel Owen, there were calls, last night, for a thorough and rigorous investigation into just how the 'extra' employed as the driver of the lorry that killed her, was ever given a part...
Read full storyCo-Workers Enjoy Hearty Chuckle at Boss's Expense
Co-workers Martha Shea and Chris Belmont shared a hearty chuckle after their boss, Rebecca Fraser, walked into their office with toilet paper dragging from the heel of her fashionable black pump. "She's super stylish, kind of a fashionista, which...
Read full storyEastender character embarrassed on the bus
Claude Whathisname, a character actor on Eastenders, was shocked to realise that he had had torrid affairs with four passengers, three failed businesses involving eight of them, owed money to another four, and had seen another passenger at the GUM cl...
Read full storyDesperate FDA Classifies Anxiety as Exercise
Desperate to counter skyrocketing rates of mental illness and plummeting rates of physical activity, the Food and Drug Association has officially classified anxiety as exercise. "It really does get the heart rate up at times," said FDA Commissione...
Read full storyNigel Farage Pledges Brexit Party Will Return Britain To Its Former Glories
Brexit Party leader, Nigel Farage, has said that, if his party are successful and are elected to power in the December General Election, he will personally do his utmost to attempt to restore Britain to its former glorious past. Farage said that t...
Read full storyMauricio Pochettino Not Interested In Arsenal Job
Former Tottenham Hotspur boss, Mauricio Pochettino, has said in unofficial comments that he is "not interested" in the vacant manager's position at Arsenal, only hours after former incumbent, Unai Emery was sacked. Pochettino, himself sacked from...
Read full storyChinese government deny any problems in Hong Kong
The Chinese government have made an official statement to declare that nothing is happening in Hong Kong. The short written statement simply said "Hong Kong velly calm. The peopre are so happy to be a part of China." A spokesman agreed to speak to...
Read full storyMan's Rabbit Has Given Birth
A pregnant rabbit that was the subject of a story on TheSpoof.com just a few weeks ago, has finally given birth to three baby rabbits, sparking wild celebrations in the Battambang commune of Tapon. The rabbit, named 'Thong' (pregnant), looked deci...
Read full storyGanjaScope Is President Trump's Favorite Read
We "heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend" that GanjaScope℠ is President Trump's "favorite read." That's what friend #1 (initials IT) told us. Friend #2 (initials KC) reports that "Donald has someone read [Gan...
Read full storyNashville Man Successfully Operates on Fewer than All Cylinders
A big proponent of energy conservation, Hal Bailey, of Nashville, Tennessee, got the chance to put his eco-friendly values into practice when he successfully operated on fewer than all cylinders after a night of heavy partying. "I got sloppy waste…
Read full storyFive Celebrity Marijuana Brands We'd Like to See
Celebrities are such douche bags. There isn't a fad, folly, or exercise in futility whose bandwagon doesn't come rolling down Rodeo Drive but that celebrities don't go running after it in the agitated pursuit of significance. Or money. Or notoriety.
Read full storyRevolutionary "Christian Atheist" Urges People to Pray for Prayers to Start Working
Having accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior but quite clear that no divine being is doing anything to aid the human condition, Thomas Gallicchio, a self-identified "Christian atheist," is urging people to pray for prayers to start working - a...
Read full storyPrince Andrew denies frequenting monkey prostitutes
In a shack in the remote jungles of Vietnam, a menu gives a hint to what is for sale inside. "Coco Kisses, 3 Dong," it says. The owner is eighty years old, and doesn't speak a word of English, but through a translator, he says that Prince Andrew...
Read full storyPrince Andrew: Is Jane Doe For Real?
Prince Andrew's legal team have poured scorn on the latest Jeffrey Epstein accusor, who has said that she was sexually abused by the former financier after giving him a massage on his private island in New Mexico when she was just 15 years old. Th...
Read full storyPrince Andrew To Do Second TV Interview
Prince Andrew, fresh from his BBC Newsnight interview with Emily Maitlis that some have compared to a "car crash" and even "an articulated lorry crash", has decided to do another TV interview to "put the record straight". He will be grilled by Con…
Read full storyClean Shaven Satan Mocks Goatee Fashion
For the first time in recent memory, Satan appeared in public without his devilish goatee. His Evilness—clean shaven and wearing cutoff jeans, a hoodie, and Blackspot Adbusters—was recognized by Helen Gunderssonn, lifestyle editor for the Minneapolis...
Read full storyWeighted-Blanket Death Syndrome on the Rise
WEST CHESTER--A seventy-five-year-old woman, whose name was being withheld at press time, was found dead in her apartment yesterday afternoon, trapped by the weighted blanket under which she had been pinned for some time. Neighbors, who had not seen...
Read full storyMan Listened To The Cure Song '10:15 Saturday Night' At Exactly 10:15 On Saturday Night
In a coincidence that almost totally defies belief, a man has revealed how, when playing music through his computer over the weekend, he came to listen to the track '10:15 On A Saturday Night' by The Cure at precisely 10:15 on Saturday night! Tak...
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