Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 18 March 2018

image for The Trump Runner vs Wile E Mueller: Round 2

BILLINGSGATE POST:: In the beginning, under the remote skies of the Arizona desert, there was nothing that would draw the eye of the raven into focus quicker than the epic confrontation of the Trump Runner and Wile E Mueller. This was before the corporation papers were drawn for the company that would control the development and manufacture of one of the most pernicious and least effective weapons ever conceived to eliminate the enigmatic, ground based bird known as the Trump Runner.

To be repudiated, time after time, there had to be a reason why the ACME ANVIL always backfired. Not since the Jack Dempsey vs Luis Angel Firpo historic fight in 1923 has there been such a reversal in fortunes. Dempsey had been heavy weight champion since 1919 and Firpo, nicknamed “El Toro de las Pampas” met before 80,000 fans. In the first round, Firpo knocked Dempsey out of the ring. He was helped back into the ring by the writers at ringside. After that scare, Dempsey recovered, dropping Firpo two times in the second round, for a knockout victory. For the same reason that the anvil never met its proposed target, Dempsey prevailed.

Allegorically speaking, one might look at the Trump Runner and Wile E Mueller as a paradorks. The former, a wise guy from the bowels of New York; the latter, a storied war-hero who everyone considered a paragon of virtue. One drawback, however: Wile E Mueller was so ugly when he was born that the doctor who delivered him slapped his mother.*

But just when the ACME ANVIL was about to slam down on the Trump Runner’s noggin, something happened; as if guided by alien forces, it landed squarely once again on the bewildered Wile E Mueller’s head.

Nothing could capture this moment better than the Freddy Fender haunting melody: “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights.”

Wasted days and wasted nights,
I have left for you behind
For you don’t belong to me,
Your heart belongs to someone else.

Vindicated once more, the only noise that disturbed the tranquility of the Arizona desert was the “MEEP MEEP” of the Trump Runner churning off into the horizon.

*Courtesy of Rodney Dangerfied

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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