Russia’s Maria Zakharova and the UK’s Boris Johnson meet for kick-box wrestling match at the Hague

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 21 March 2018

image for Russia’s Maria Zakharova and the UK’s Boris Johnson meet for kick-box wrestling match at the Hague
Scholars indicate The Hague may use this event as a model to assist future deliberations

Press Secretary of the Russian Foreign Ministry Maria Zakharova has had her challenge to UK’s Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson accepted.

Mr. Johnson and Ms. Zakharova went at it just last evening inside an ICC auditorium, standing room only.

In Ms. Zakharova’s corner Mr. Putin smiling like a Chesire cat and Mr. Lavrov, unusually grim, assisted their colleague.

In Mr. Johnson’s corner, Theresa May, holding a small vial, and pointing this instrument at the Russians whenever possible, was accompanied by Mr. Corbyn with lined forehead.

Almost immediately Mr. Johnson was clearly in trouble from the vigorous (formerly high-heel folk dancer) Ms. Zakharova.

At one point when he turned to the audience with a look of bewilderment and exasperation, palms uplifted to the ceiling, Ms. Zakharova delivered a quick pummeling of kicks to his unfortunately available backside.

Mr. Corbyn was observed apparently praying at this moment, clasped palms near his forehead, eyes closed.

A raucous crowd however, despite efforts to bring calm from ICC referees, appeared eager for anything wild and extreme in the contest.

Accordingly, at one point within a round, and gesticulating with her vial, Ms. May danced into the ring as though to join forces with Mr. Johnson.

Experts now reading videos of the event indicate that, simultaneous to wielding her vial, she was chanting “Novichok! Novichok! Novichok!”

Following a forceful removal (with Mr. Corbyn shaking his head and holding up his hands as though to appeal to order, but not clear from whom), Ms. May apparently told a reporter at ringside, “Brexit made me do it.”

At this time Mr. Johnson was down on his back, stunned and rolling somewhat, while Ms. Zakharova circled the ring, hands held high.

In her corner, Mr. Putin and Mr. Lavrov exchanged high fives.

But although prone, and in what might have been an involuntary twitch, Mr. Johnson thrust forth one of his feet.

This action tripped Ms. Zakharova as she passed by, precipitating her into a post at one corner of the ring, where she lay dazed.

Some analysts of the after-action video say Mr. Lavrov responded immediately with a very long middle finger pointed in the direction of Mr. Johnson.

However, ICC referees at this point stepped forward to announce the contest must be continued at a later point in a re-match, with results inconclusive.

Audience commotion including a blizzard of debris directed toward the ring indicated no one was pleased with results in this matter.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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