Wednesday, 28 March 2018

image for This latest beauty treatment is angering environmentalists, but will turn your friends green with envy
Please frack carefully

It is the new beauty treatment that literally everyone wants.

Have you ever dreamed of having perfect skin, with no moles, freckles or unsightly gob craters? Well now that dream is within reach with facial fracking.

The procedure is simple - it works in the same way as underground gas fracking. A large quantity of water is injected into subcutaneous tissue using an industrial syringe. This flushes out any impurities and pockets of methane, leaving your skin as clean and shiny as a tortoise's shell.

Any remaining outbursts of leftover gas can be burned away, leaving nothing behind but a small puddle of black toxic sludge which is usually swept under a carpet or flushed away.

It is this sludge which is annoying environmentalists as well as plumbers. Many beautician's toilets have been completely destroyed by the foul smelling and strangely heavy byproduct. Some green activists are calling for a total ban on facial fracking.

Although the procedure has a mostly unblemished record, some users have also reported unusual problems, such as skin collapse, sludge reflux and the dreaded Gerboan shakes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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