Written by mikewadestr

Saturday, 24 March 2018

image for Land Shark Gives Man A Reason To Blame All Of His Problems On
I love the little ones the best.

For the last two weeks a Silver Spring, MD man, Gerald Bittten, has done nothing but complain about a land shark eating him alive. The man initially made contact with the shark at a Chuck – E-Cheese restaurant in which he was celebrating his nine year old daughter’s birthday. Soon after, the shark started to eat him alive. He has refused to take charge of any of his social responsibilities by claiming he is being eaten by a land shark, the worst thing anyone can endure.

“Honestly!” exclaimed an exasperated Bitten. “I’ve already had both my legs bitten off and eaten as well as my left arm! This is a life threatening situation”.

His closest friend disagree.

“He has become a complete louse, he refuses to acknowledge any of the social graces to which he has violated. I mean, he didn’t even show up for my son’s 8th birthday. What a prick. He never stops rambling about his problems with a land shark eating him” stated Fred Breakwater.

“He is just so insensitive” chimed in Bitten’s ex wife Filet. “I am in the process of filing for bankruptcy and I take full responsibility for my own out of control spending. You certainly don’t see me complaining about being eaten by a land shark”.

Gerald Bitten just wants people to emphasize with his plight and call 911 to get the shark off of his right shoulder.

“I’ve given up on Lenard” chimed in an annoyed Larry Gerald who is the man’s father. “He pulls these stunts all the time in order to get out of his responsibilities. Just because you have one arm and no legs doesn’t mean you cannot contribute to society. I mean look at Steven Hawkings! He was the greatest exterminator in our planet’s history, I’m cutting out Gerald from my will. I’m donating the money to ‘Save the sharks’ foundation”.

As of press time Gerald Bitten had stopped complaining right after the land shark bit his head off.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Shark




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