Written by Aspartame Boy

Saturday, 10 March 2018

image for DEA relieves drug cartel’s cellulose constipation
Juan is so relieved to get all that currency out of his colon he wants to thank the DEA

Tijuana, Mexico - Juan Valdez, of the Shinola drug cartel here, called a press conference today to thank the DEA for removing several pounds of hundred-dollar bills from his colon.

He stated:

I was s-o-o-o-o constipated! I’d run out of room to store all the cash, so I stuffed my body cavities with cash. Then it all got stuck!

Thanks to the friendly guys at the DEA, I’m a new man.

They supplied all the prunes, mineral oil, suppositories, enema bags and more.

That fire hose was a nice touch.

They even got me a real job, some mining operation I think. They mentioned something about a rock pile.

Further reading:

Daily Mail.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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