Written by joseph k winter

Monday, 26 March 2018

image for Biden and Trump will begin 2020 presidential campaign with fisticuffs and other challenges
Memorabilia for the contests available at reasonable prices

Last week Mr. Biden stated that as “a damn good athlete” he would be inclined to invite Mr. Trump out behind the high school gym—if they were still in high school.

Mr. Trump immediately responded with Mr. Biden as “weak” in various ways and that in an actual fight Mr. Biden “would go down fast and hard.”

Campaign managers for both gentlemen are now saying it’s not too soon to begin the 2020 presidential campaign with a series of physical contests.

Boxing events at Madison Square Gardens can be arranged in a series, with meticulous records on number of rounds fought, damaging hits, the number of times knocked to the canvas, etc.

Rachel Maddow has agreed to referee, including “I will be absolutely committed to neutrality while Mr. Trump is getting his ass kicked.”

A “Behind The White House” series of fights is also in the works, resonating with Mr. Biden’s desire to get Mr. Trump “behind the high school gym.”

This behind-the-white-house series might allow a “bare knuckle” and other techniques approach, such as kicking, biting, strangling.

Aides for both parties insist that dignity is of first importance for the participants, who believe talking and debating a “waste of time.”

Mr. Trump has said, “Let’s just get on with it, I’m tired of talking.”

Meanwhile, following General Kelly’s urging to a 25% cutback on cheeseburgers, Mr. Trump’s waistline has reduced from 48 to 46 inches.

Additionally, campaign posters, slogans, and accolades from sports writers on these fighters would liven up the 2020 campaign and be admired throughout the globe.

Aides to both candidates, asked about the more traditional approach of exchanging rational arguments on key issues facing the nation have responded:

“That is so 20th century, and so out of keeping with the current political scene of accusations and appeals for emotional support instead of evidence, that frankly we just can’t afford to consider it.”

Mr. Trump’s new NSA advisor, Mr. Bolton agrees:

“Little wars, big wars, I think this is the way to get things done, instead of all the delays we’ve been experiencing.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
38 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more