Religious Leaders Threaten to Impeach God

Written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 24 March 2018

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The wrath of God may be no match for the wrath of dissatisfied spiritual leaders, who have threatened to impeach Him.

His purportedly eternal tenure notwithstanding, God may be at risk of losing His job as ruler of the planet, as a number of religious leaders have threatened to impeach Him if they don't see a marked improvement in His performance.

Environmentally progressive Pope Francis summed up the unsatisfactory earthly situation in no uncertain terms.

“The planet is disintegrating before our eyes. Governments are spying on and even murdering their own citizens. Sentient animals are systematically tortured by the billions to produce foods that are killing people with heart disease and cancer – whereas humans themselves, sedated with television, prescription drugs, and mind-numbing entertainment have become virtually insentient. It is an untenable situation, and if God does not effect some dramatic positive changes within the next 90 days, we intend to oust Him from office and seek a more proactive and compassionate ruler of the universe."

Political activist and spiritual figure Dr. Cornel West echoed the pope's concerns. "Our Heavenly Father has always been a bit, shall we say, deficient, in answering prayers. We've historically cut Him some slack in that regard, namely with the whole 'free will' notion. But there's no getting around the fact that responding appropriately to prayers is a key aspect of His role. At this point, we need him to step up His game substantially in that regard – or we'll find someone who can.”

In fact, some spiritual figures, like Joel Osteen, have even gone so far as to state that they will consider defecting to the devil if God doesn't get His act in gear.

“As I see it,” said Osteen, “God's the one who's fallen from grace. The so-called 'fallen angel' is looking pretty good by comparison right about now."

Osteen noted that for many, Satan, with his solid celestial experience, seems a logical choice for the role of ruling the universe. “I suspect he's already been playing a bigger part in ruling the world than we've realized," said Osteen. "Why not make it official?"

One prominent leader, however, has expressed no dissatisfaction whatsoever with God's performance: President Donald Trump. “I think God's doing a great job,” proclaimed Trump. “Keep up the good work, Old Man!”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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