World Cup 2018: War Cup?

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 27 March 2018

image for World Cup 2018: War Cup?
The Jules Rimet trophy this morning

As the World Cup 2018 tournament comes closer by the day, is it reasonable to assume that 'football's greatest showcase' might also be Armageddon?

The World Cup kicks off on June 14 in Russia, but the recent case of Sergei Skripal, the former spy who was the victim of - according to the British government - a Russian nerve gas attack in Salisbury, and the subsequent expulsion of diplomats from several countries, might just give the tournament a bit more of a 'competitive edge'.

The UK announced it was expulling 23 Russian diplomats earlier this month, and the US has expulled 60.
Other results between countries that have made expellations include:

France 4 Germany 4
Poland 4 Czech Republic 3
Lithuania 3 Denmark 2
Netherlands 2 Italy 2
Spain 2 Estonia 1
Croatia 1 Finland 1
Hungary 1 Latvia 1
Romania 1 Sweden 1
Albania 2 Australia 2
Norway 1 Macedonia 1
Ukraine 13 Canada 4

In addition, the UK has said it is considering further expulsionary action over a Russian-loaned Diplodocus at the Natural History Museum.

Russia is currently putting together a list of diplomats which it says will either be expelled, expulled, expleted or executed, it's not sure which at the moment.

The tense relations between Russia and those expellatory nations are expected to be 'simmering nicely' by June 14,and are likely to boil over into a full-scale World War should any VAR decisions go against the home nation.

Russia kick-off the opening game against Saudi Arabia on June 14, in what will be an interesting encounter, if only because of the dodgy arms deals that are claimed to have gone on between the two countries. Saudi Arabia has made no expulsions or expellations of either diplomats or diplodoci, because, to be quite honest, they couldn't give a fuck about what's going on in Britain.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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