To gain a more substantial toehold in the United States, (as though deciding the last election hadn’t been sufficient) Vladimir Putin generously suggested, that if Trump wanted to remain his good pal, as a gesture of friendship, he would return Alaska to Russia. The U.S. paid Russia 7.2 million for the real estate, and Russia was willing to pay back the same amount.
Sort of like porn star Stormy Daniels paying back Trump $135,000, in return, she could express her right of free speech.
Also, Putin’s birthday was coming up in October.
Managing a wavering backflip somersault, (due to gravity and not reasonable judgment) Trump agreed, saying, “Why not? Done deal. They call me The Deal Maker for a reason.”
However, there would be no deal with porn star Stormy Daniels.
“Screw the porn star’s First Amendments rights.”
In return for Alaska, Putin promised Trump a very, very, great, great, big, big military parade in Red Square with lots of tanks, fireworks, armored personnel carriers, infantry fighting vehicles, mine-protected vehicles, marching soldiers carrying rifles with fixed bayonets, intercontinental ballistic missiles on flatbeds trucks that could reach New York, Florida or Chicago, baton twirling teenage girls in short skirts and white boots, lots more fireworks, and lastly, planes flying overhead in formation, streaming the colors of the flag.
Drooling with glee, Trump agreed.
The porn star’s attorney wasn’t as agreeable. Someone in the Stormy Daniels camp suggested that they could always transfer all of Ms. Daniel’s information to Julian Assange and have it published by his WikiLeaks organization.
“No problem. He can have a presidential pardon like Sheriff Arpaio, and screw those fake accusations. He’ll stay mum and get the hell out of that Mexican embassy in London.”
Another minor problem loomed in Vladimir Putin’s horizon: U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson directly blamed Russia for the attempted assassination of a Russian double agent and his daughter in England, using a poison nerve gas only manufactured in Russia.
Though not as serious as the Stormy Daniels situation, Rex Tillerson was immediately fired.
"Screw Rex Tillerson's First Amendment rights."