Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Thursday, 1 March 2018

image for Mr. Ed To Be Exhumed And Lain In State In Capital Rotunda
Mr. Ed

BILLINGSGATE POST: Around this date in 1979, Mr. Ed the talking horse died of mysterious causes. Mr. Ed's real name was Bamboo Harvester. He was a crossbred gelding of American Saddlebred, Arabian and grade ancestry. Different stories have been written about the cause of his death. Was horse play or foul play the reason for his unscheduled demise? We may now finally get the answer.

Yesterday, President Trump, who considered Mr. Ed as one of his early mentors, approved an executive order detailing that Mr. Ed be exhumed and his remains lain in state in the Capital Rotunda. This to happen just as soon as those of Reverend Billy Graham are removed. After fans of Mr. Ed pay their respects, the bugler from the Kentucky Downs will blow taps, and the horse's remains will be moved to the Smithsonian Institute, where they will be examined to determine Mr. Ed's cause of death. Forensic taxidermist, Dr. Viscount Billingsgate, will lead the team of pathologists at the Institute.

Mr. Ed had a complex personality. He was easily offended, especially when he was told that he resembled Prince Charles of England. Many other comparisons were made that he felt were more generous; for instance, Mr. Ed was told by Sonny Bono that his nose reminded him of his wife Cher. In a blind test, Don Rickles said that he couldn't distinguish Mr. Ed from Barbra Streisand unless they both turned their backs on him. However, he was most proud of having his nose compared to that of Danny Thomas, who he said, "looked like he had a nose growing out of a nose."

But it was during the Republican Primary when Donald Trump said to candidate Carla Fiorina, "You have a beautiful face, Mrs. Ed," that people started talking about him again. Not surprisingly, Carla at first thought Trump was complimenting her.

Many Hollywood stars made guest appearances on his show, including Clint Eastwood, Mae West and George Burns. Even a major league manager, Leo, "The Lip" Durocher appeared on the show in 1962. In that episode, Mr. Ed gave batting tips to the Dodgers.

May Mr. Ed rest in peace.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Horse




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