Fans advised not to be within spitting distance of Jamie Carragher

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 12 March 2018

Ex Liverpool legend Jamie Carragher has apologised after sensationally spitting at a fourteen year old girl and her dad on the motorway. The Sky TV pundit had been driving back from the Manchester United V Liverpool clash and was clearly a little annoyed at the result.

Steve Moxon, pheasant farmer and Hard Brexit advocate said:
It’s an absolute bloody disgrace. I mean I didn’t see the incident nor have any context for it but I am outraged to say the least.

Deluded Liverpool fans have leapt to his defence almost as quickly as they leapt to defend a racist. Some Tweeted:

@Kopklopp: He didn’t spit he had a mouthful of water and was shocked by some act of cruelty, probably to a cute animal, that he saw.

@£40millionforthattwat: The spit is actually coming from a Manchester United player hiding behind him. Making it look like Carra but it’s not

@Firminoncology: Special fans....European nights.....
Insightful stuff.

Paul Shears, who was driving the car when the incident occurred, said: I can’t believe him. All I did was follow him out of the stadium and into the car park chanting “United! United!”. Then I jostled him a bit while he was trying to get into his car you know for banter. Then I went out of my way to follow him a good 20-30 miles beeping my horn at him and flashing my lights. The only reason I wound down my window and started filming him while I goaded and goaded him was because I thought I could get internet famous. I can’t believe a professional has acted like this.

The moral of today’s story is: Feel free to behave like a wanker towards professionals then feign moral indignation when said professional reacts towards you in a unsavoury manner.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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