Written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 12 March 2018

Ex Liverpool legend Jamie Carragher has apologised after sensationally spitting at a fourteen year old girl and her dad on the motorway. The Sky TV pundit had been driving back from the Manchester United V Liverpool clash and was clearly a little annoyed at the result.

Steve Moxon, pheasant farmer and Hard Brexit advocate said:
It’s an absolute bloody disgrace. I mean I didn’t see the incident nor have any context for it but I am outraged to say the least.

Deluded Liverpool fans have leapt to his defence almost as quickly as they leapt to defend a racist. Some Tweeted:

@Kopklopp: He didn’t spit he had a mouthful of water and was shocked by some act of cruelty, probably to a cute animal, that he saw.

@£40millionforthattwat: The spit is actually coming from a Manchester United player hiding behind him. Making it look like Carra but it’s not

@Firminoncology: Special fans....European nights.....
Insightful stuff.

Paul Shears, who was driving the car when the incident occurred, said: I can’t believe him. All I did was follow him out of the stadium and into the car park chanting “United! United!”. Then I jostled him a bit while he was trying to get into his car you know for banter. Then I went out of my way to follow him a good 20-30 miles beeping my horn at him and flashing my lights. The only reason I wound down my window and started filming him while I goaded and goaded him was because I thought I could get internet famous. I can’t believe a professional has acted like this.

The moral of today’s story is: Feel free to behave like a wanker towards professionals then feign moral indignation when said professional reacts towards you in a unsavoury manner.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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